It is exactly like that! Detachment is hard and I need to be kind to myself because I still want to be married. Has detachment helped you and how are spouses receptive to this change? I know that it is difficult at this juncture of the process seeing that my response is due to court this Friday. I am in knots!!!
Detachment can be hard when one first attempts to do so... So is quitting smoking... Eating healthy... Exercising... biting ones nails...
But only because of the poor habits that have been formed over such a long period of time...
Yes, being kind and patient is an important factor. But more than that, implementing new habits to replace the old is the key.
One of the first steps you need to take is to decide now, that you are not beginning the practice of detachment with the goal that a spouse or any other person is receptive.
This is not about them...it is about you. Curiously it is the same if one is trying to,
quit smoking eat healthy exercise nail biting
It is rare that one ever successfully creates new habits for another person. Why you may ask? Because as soon as the other person does not reciprocate...you will ultimately give up and quit.
The act and habit of healthy detachment is for your emotional and mental health. Not the benefit of impressing or getting someone else to be or do what you want. It is for you and only you.
My goal is not to hand out a 2X4, as I know the twisted knots that come on as the events of the legal proceedings approach...but taking the approach that "detachment' is the magic that will make it all go away is not beneficial in the scope of it all.
My goal is to encourage you to pause...breath...breath some more...and begin the acceptance that you have no control over the STBX. But... You have complete control over the thoughts that you will accept and the actions that you can take.
Be kind to yourself. Set a goal to try something small each day. Meditation Speak with a counselor, friend or someone you trust to let out the pressure of it all. Take a way out doors, start an activity that can remove your mind from the swirl of negative thoughts.
Seek support and comfort here.
The small things can and will move you forward. It will take work...but as the journey I have travelled, I can assure you can do it if you put in the work and take one small step...then another...
Be well and breath.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
