Nice guy Syndrome!

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Can you give us some marital history? Why did the two of you separate?

The separation was initiated by her. We were having intimacy issues after our second child. This was compounded by having to deal with 2 kids with special needs. She had also been in an accident that caused her physical restrictions (back pain, lots of headaches). Leading up to the separation, she had classic WAW issues going on. We went to some marriage counselling, then stopped after about 6 session, but things didn't get any better. I actually thought things were getting better, but then she hit me with wanting to separate again. We did some more counselling, but she felt out counselor was siding with me. I did all the wrong things ... pleading, begging, showing her I can change. She then but the blame on the breakdown on me, saying I was the one who gave up on her. As it was not good living under the same roof with a WAW, she asked that we physically separate. Our only option at that time was for me to move with my parents as she has no family where we live.

What do you wish to accomplish by exposing her? What would you be exposing, that she is planning to meet this OM? Do you have any proof, other than what your kids said? Do you know the OM personally?

My kids didn't say anything, they don't know. I discovered via a poorly timed TM she received that was explicit. I do not know the OM personally. I just found out about this, so the hurt was pretty bad. I thought we were making progress. She had just settled her injury case that had dragged on for 8 years and had talked about starting fresh. I thought perhaps she meant together, so that's why I'm so hurt by it. Now that I've had more time to think about it, I don't think exposing it will serve any good purpose. In terms of proof, lets just say I saw some sexually explicit TM's that made reference to getting together before, and plans to get together again.

Is this the first time you have seen her in this light (playing the victim, lying, etc.)?

Oh god no. She plays the victim all the time. She could write a book on how many people have wronged her. Whether it be her family, my family, her friends, my friends, her colleagues ... in terms of lying, I've not seen that before. However I can understand why she would not reveal this with the OM.

So, has she not had to share equal time with the kids? I suppose with you being there, doing handiwork around the house, plus being with the kids, has served her a lot of cake. If she has not had to go to work and if you are supporting her in every way.....just as you did before separation, then removing all of it will be more shock than just the S agreement in place.

We've managed to have somewhat equal time given our situation, just that I'm not parenting while they're sleeping as I'm back at my parents place.

Why does she get to stay home and not work, while you can't even afford a place to live? It's time you had a place to live, instead of staying with your parents.

She's had a few jobs from running her own business, to working sales, now starting a new business again. But the work and pay is nowhere remotely close to what I make.