Sure I will tell you. My husband is none of these, I guess. From time to time he is chatting on dating websites but he is not involved with somebody special. He once met somebody he got to know by chatting but it didn't fit. Despite of being in his mid-40s he is definitely not in a crisis. He is not a WAH. His intention is not to walk away but to get rid of our marital problem. He considers them to be unresolvable. So he wants to get a new life with a new woman without such marital problem.
Our marital problem is a very typical pursuer (me) / distancer (him) relationship. From the beginning of our relationship we had to manage a bulk of external problems, nothing life threatening, but a constant flow of problems. We were very successful in terms of results but at the cost of our love. We are dealing very differently with problems and conflicts. I am goal-oriented,emotional, do not avoid conflicts, but easily reconcile. He is the very contrast, he hates being manipulated, is rational, self-controlled hates conflicts, never forgives. As a result, his distance grew and grew, while my pursuing him intensified. There was a lot of hurting each other due to that.
On the occasion of one quarrel, years ago, he stopped any physical contact and threatened divorce. Then I started fighting for our MR but unfortunately knew nothing about the LRT. Then he announced that he will look for a new woman and will move out as soon as he has found one. Meanwhile, I have read and learned a lot about relationship and I am sure that our marital problem is solvable. He strongly believes that it is not and that our MR is completely shattered and not reparable. He says that reconciliation would be useful only for me, but not for him, that he will not consider reconciliation, that if reconciliation wouldn't work he would be beaten for the rest of his life ... such things.
I know the LRT is exactly the right thing and that it is a necessity to stick to it. But I feel that it might not be enough in our situation. Both of us live like being seemingly dead, you know what I mean, keeping up the facade for the children. He might get to know another woman. What I fear even more is that we continue for years being seemingly dead because he is the most stubborn and unforgiving person one can imagine. And thean of course I fear that he moves out just because of being fed up with the situation and feeling urged to change something but not not reconcile. Unfortunately, every two weeks, these fears make me fall into relapse as for the LRT. And then I always start from zero.
