M.....it does appear to be all about your ego and self-esteem. Do you feel like your missing out on something or that your W is going places and it is a place where you would like to be? Do you feel that your projecting what you want out of life? Maybe these feelings are coming up again because you are inching closer to the 1 yr mark and some finality is starting to set in.
What would she say about you? Look at him he has lost weight, is working out and got new clothes, etc. He isn't the same. Why didn't he do this when we were together? Could she feel that you have moved on as well? Your projecting some and trying to mind read where she is at or how she feels.
I can tell you it has not been all roses for me but I know who I am, what I want and where I am going. Seeing my W happy does not bother me, good for her. When I see her with new clothes on and this seemingly new attitude I don't sweat it. I know deep inside she is still the same person, with the same issues and she hasn't changed a bit. Your W hasn't done the work either, she is still the same, don't be fooled.
Remember she didn't throw you away or discard you. You are the one who didn't chase or pursue so who was the one that really did the dumping? I can tell you that I do not feel that my W was the one that initiated our D. Since I never pursued or chased I feel it is mutual at this point in time. I don't feel that she dumped me but that I dumped her. Maybe I wasn't the one that initially wanted it but my mindset changed. As we were walking out of the courthouse last week, after filing the D paperwork, she looked at me and made a comment about not many people go file their own D that they didn't want and I responded back to her saying "what makes you think I didn't want this?". She looked at me and was speechless.
I like the idea of you exploring this with your IC. Maybe you are cycling some if reality is starting to set in. Maybe you are starting to let go of some of that hope. I know I did a little bit towards the end and I think it is a normal response.
Just remember to validate yourself you don't need anyone else to do it.
