While we've had intimacy and connections issues for years, the problem really started in earnest about 5 months ago. When my daughter went back to school my wife found herself wasting time on a few smartphone apps.
First was an online karaoke app. She would spend 5-6 hours a day on that app. She also started playing two online game apps.
All of these apps included being able to message with the people you were singing and playing with. The result was that she began to get very flirtatious with other guys, mostly younger guys.
By time I discovered all of this, at least one of these flirtatious relationships turned into a full blown emotional affair. I found messages between her and him on Facebook messenger, they suggested photos had been sent and they had discussed certain things his girlfriend wouldn't be happy with. and she had been looking up apartments in the area.
When I confronted her she said he was just a friend, that pics were just headshots, and that she didn't want to be married anymore. That she wanted to get a job, her own apartment and get divorced. (But we could still be friends, raise our daughter, and even date!)
I did all of the wrong things. Panicked, begged, pleaded, reasoned. Etc.
But by day 3 I had remembered Michelle's advice, I found other resources and I backed off and started letting go. Almost immediately she started to back down from her statement.
Since then I have found 3 sets of nudes she sent the guy. Further, while that EA ended, she had started another one with a guy in Florida. She was being much more careful this time though since she got hurt by the first guy. This guy was all into it though, his messages were very suggestive, and apparently he had sent her a pic (you can imagine what of).
I confronted her about the new evidence and she quickly began to spiral emotionally. Now she is on a roller-coaster ride, but as her delusions keep getting shattered (the first guy moving on, my finding about the second guy, my telling her that her fantasy of a magically wonderful divorce process was impossible), she reluctantly has been moving back toward the marriage.
I'll add more later, but that is enough for now.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
