Hey J! Thanks man for the thoughtful comments. Just been thinking about it today for a bit.
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It does appear that you are feeling insecure and something about your perception of your W has really struck a chord with you. Dig deep and determine why that really is
I saw her last weekend over a kid activity. She's all done up now, when previously she never cared too much about it. I mean her hair and makeup and it was just too much. Like she was hiding who she is and it was just overdone. Also, I saw a pic of her on SM and she looked very happy and a completely different person. That really bothered me.
I think it reinforced the feelings of being disposable and being discarded like I was garbage. I didn't even mean enough for her to even try. Tried to get away from me as fast as possible, like I was the plague. How can she be happy and putting on this completely new lifestyle? Like the past didn't matter at all. As if she has shed some old skin and moving on to the next thing. I guess I am just feeling really devalued and unworthy of even getting another chance.
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You have often indicated that your W would have to make a bunch of changes and in your response to Nicole you even indicate that you know she wasn't the best partner for you.
Yeah completely. All the issues that I can think of and how she was a crappy spouse to me are definitely true. But, I also believe that all those things are workable and we can figure them out. There wasn't anything that was such a deal breaker that I would not consider working on 'us'. Everything she had an issue with me, I could say that right back at her and so I know that she wasn't the best partner for me. But, it wasn't all broken.
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If that is the case why does it all matter?
I really don't know man. I don't know why I am so bothered and W taking so much mental real estate. I think it must have to do with my ego and being rejected. She even said to me that I am amazing, but still booted my a$$ to the curb. I guess not amazing enough. I don't know why I am emotionally wrecked lately, but I want it to go away.
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What values as a man do bring to a relationship? What are the good qualities about M that you can draw strength and confidence from? You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you. Who wants to be with M whether he is making 50k per year or 100k per year.
Definitely. I am trying to make sure I know the value I bring and what are some great things about me.
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I explored this deep with my IC when I had the same feelings you do.
I think I need to do that with my IC. I haven't felt this terrible since BD and I can't wrap my head around why it is happening now.
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Change some stuff if you want because you want to do it for yourself.
I got that covered for sure. I plan to keep going with my commitments to myself and changing things up for good.
