That's so interesting about the long term anger issues Job. A friend of mine D'd a number of years ago. Her XH lost a pile of weight, changed his job, went to work abroad, met a much younger woman, said he wanted a D and they D'd. He was planning on starting a new family with this woman 20 years his junior.

My friend told me about an exchange she and he had recently, where he raged at her for a good while about how badly he felt he had been treated by her family when they were married. She was pretty astonished at his behaviour and the ferocity of his anger - and they have been D'd for 5+ years now and have little contact. He was someone who got the life he wanted for himself - yet still seems to struggle with unresolved anger years later. I had also heard that he was off work and being treated for depression at one point.

The thing to aim for is certainly to be at peace with your part in the process. To have peace in your heart and to let go of the issues associated with your marriage and its ending. To forgive yourself and your spouse. All of this takes a good while and is a work in progress for many of us - but to be on that path and have in mind that aim - is so important.

The alternative is to be the intensely angry spouse, still ruminating about injustices years and years later - not what we want for ourselves at all...

Xx

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus