WW, A ended, but struggling to reconnect (My 11th)

[hoosjim]

I love C-nut's expression. Here is a way to be confident of your decision. Don't put the onus on anyone else. Make the plans!

This actually came up last night at bedtime. Her phone buzzes and she says "My GF says to tell you 'Hi', and that she is really looking forward to seeing me on the girls weekend in May". (My W's GF, the third in the girls troika with her and bff, is a really sweet person, and also a friend of mine from college and someone I like and get along with--not sure what she sees in bff, but...) So that's my opening. I tell her: "About that... I had been planning on taking you away somewhere that weekend to celebrate your birthday, but I had wanted it to be a surprise." "Oh" she says... "BFF picked that weekend with GF because that's the only weekend any time around that date where both of them don't have the kids-- its really the only time we could get together." (Which I'll take at face value-- they do each have sort of bizarre child custody arrangements in terms of timing which probably would make coordinating a whole weekend as opposed to a girls night out difficult. For color, they are just all going to GF's house south of here to hang out and go out to dinner and have a "slumber party".) "Could we go away the previous weekend?" she asks. I am understanding about this, and say so. I do say, FWIW, that "I do wish, as your husband, that bff had called me first to see what I was doing for your birthday, but I understand the scheduling complications... I know from talking to __________ (my friend and bff's STBXH) how crazy the weekend scheduling with their kids can be, so it's cool. I've already got a destination and have been plotting with your coworkers to get you off work, but I can easily book plans the previous week. Just try to act surprised" (at which point i smack her with a pillow and we both laugh-- it's sort of a running gag with us that she is impossible to surprise and always seems to get into or create circumstances where she finds out about surprises ahead of time-- my marriage proposal being the most notable, but that's a whole story to itself.) We talked about it briefly again this morning over the phone-- she called me to say "You're sure you're okay with this?" and I said "Yes, definitely. I understand the dynamics with your friends, and I already have a plan and it works just as well the previous weekend as the weekend after." And she says, "So, do you want any input?" and I say "Whose?" and she says "The only one's who matters, mine (laughs)" and I say, "Hey, im always open to input" so we chat a little more and then she has to go. She sends me a couple of island/beachy pictures... "input", and I text her back "I think you'll be happy be with the plan." (I'm booking us for Cancun-- it was the first real exotic/romantic getaway we had... back when we were just engaged... and she has always talked about wanting to go back... and now she seems willing-- even maybe a little excited(?) to go with me.)

So that's the plan.

Hope it goes well. Would be really nice if we are more... ummm... "cozy" by the time May rolls around.