Bttrfly has given you "golden" advice. No gift on Valentine's Day. Make it a day of fun and celebration w/your children and invite her. If she participates, fine and if she doesn't, that's fine too.
Your wife still has a long way to go and she needs to be focusing on herself and her issues as much as possible. Leave her to it. Keep the focus on you and your children and leave your roommate to her own activities.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
