You can do something special for the family that she can participate in IF SHE CHOOSES. Make it clear that she's included, but leave it up to her.
Make it something that the kids will love, so that you will have a great day with your beautiful children REGARDLESS OF WIFE'S PARTICIPATION/LACK THEREOF.
That would be the extent of it.
Gordie, anything else is pursuit. Are you forgetting that the old marriage is dead and gone? That if anything is to work out for you and W it will need to be a NEW relationship with new traditions? For something new to come into being you have to let the old go. Does this make sense? I"m sorry I am coming off much harder with the 2x4 than I mean to. I don't mean to hurt your feelings here. Just because her R with OM2 isn't on right now and the D was dropped - didn't she say she couldn't pause it, she could only move forward or drop it legally? - doesn't mean she's committed to your marriage. She's been very clear that she doesn't know what she wants.
Pay attention to this.
From my perspective the best thing you can do for your family, your own mental and emotional wellbeing and actually for W as well is to focus entirely on yourself right now. Complete your own inner journey. Find out who you are separate from this marriage. Find out what's important to you. What is it you want and how do you want to live your life now and later when your kids are grown and on their own? What makes Gordie tick? Do you have core principles that you live by? What are they? What do they mean to you? How do you practice them in your daily life? How do you embody them? What are you doing for GAL activities?
Focus more on you. Leave her to keep baking. The only thing you have any control over ever is yourself and your responses.
I hope this helps.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
