Sweetheart, you're now realizing how much trauma living with him caused all of you. Are you getting IC for yourself? Just because he's gone doesn't mean the aftereffects of the past several years are also gone - quite the opposite, I've found.
Ask son to please try six visits, then if he doesn't want to any more he doesn't have to. I'm betting somewhere in that time frame he'll figure it out.
I"m glad your family is surrounding you - you need that right now. I wish I could give you a real hug. You've been through so much, and did everything humanly possible to avoid this, I know. I do have to say though, Ha, that at least now you have a chance to discover a new normal and so do the boys.
I know that it's hard when they reserve the happy for the Disney parent, but remember that YOU are the one son feels safest with, or you wouldn't have a ringside seat to what's really going on with him. That says everything about what a great mom you are.
Yes I also understand and have experienced the "angry all the time" separated spouse. I'm not really sure why they unleash all their anger on us. In my ex's case, I think at first it was because he'd been lying to me about his true feelings for years, and was blaming me for absolutely EVERYTHING in his life that he was dissatisfied with. Once the D was final, he was angry about that also. I think really they are just people incredibly lost and dissatisfied with their lives and they strike out at us as the nearest targets. I found that the best strategy was to ignore it to the best of my ability and realize it was about HIM not me.
Hang in there kiddo. Do not be bullied. xoxoxo
This too shall pass.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
