Sorry for being so emotional. You being so clear helps a lot. I've read and understood the books of Michelle. Nevertheless, I wonder how this all could work out for us.
May I tell some details about our situation? Our problem was ever more conflicts due to an ever more escalating distancer (me)- follower (him) relationship. The bomb drop was 02/17. He announced that he feels separated from then on, that he wants divorce, that he will take part in online dating for finding a new relationship. For the sake of the children he will not move out until he has found a new girlfriend. So for one year now, our life at days seems quite normal, we talk in a quite normal way, but he avoids and refuses any physical contact and sleeps on a separate mattress in a small room under the roof (his clothes are still in our MBR).
Of course, I did a lot of mistakes during last year. Then I read Michelle's books and I try to stick to the LRT. Detaching myself from him makes him more relaxed and friedly towards me. Nevertheless, this does not prevent him from online dating. I try hard to controll my emotions then and I am getting better and better, but I still do the mistake to tell him how this online dating hurts. Sometimes I think he is online dating to actually find a new wife. Sometimes I think he is online dating just to cope with his own frustration. He says that we do not fit together. He says that it isn't worth working on our conflicts any more.
I am really successful in GAL. I lost 20 pounds after the BD and do you know how he reacted? Because I didn't get rid of those 20 pregnancy pounds before our "separation" but after it, this proves for him that I did never appreciate him.
I could write endlessly and I realize how hopeless the situation is in writing. Whatever I have done wrongly in our marriage (and we actually hurt each other), what he is doing now that I haven't deserved. Still, I appreciate him so much for all his other facets. He is the best father for our children, he is my best friend and he is such a special person. And we still live under one roof. And I am aware I have to detach. This is such a huge dilemma I am in.
