Mleigh - Just want to say I am thinking of you. It is hard with so much uncertainty. Your h has seemed emotionally disconnected for a long, long time.

Yes, it may give some explanation as to your h's behavior. I guess the human mind wants to make sense of things. As my IC has told me, people who have toxic childhoods make decisions as adults to heal and rebuild or they flounder. We all make choices as adults. It might help to explain it can't excuse it.

As for your MIL, wow. It is a wake up call they we all need to do that inner work now, heal and strengthen ourselves so that when we are her age we have some peace. She sounds like she is in the exact same place she was in (several times) decades ago.

Take care of you and your son. Continue to find daily joy and gratitude. We will get to the other side of this.

Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced