A Father, that was called a Super Hero-Wolverine

[SH_]

Today I share the lessons that had the biggest impact for me and my family now 2 years removed from the explosion of the BD.

Here are the key lessons that I use often, continue to learn from and share with others when I am sought out for thoughts and ideas for success in their own journey.

You must feed the actions to raise and maintain your physical health.
1. Take care of your health above all else.

Eat healthy
Movement and exercise
Sleep

2. The Stockdale paradox

Look this up. Read it. The lesson, you must engage in a meaningful activity no matter that you have no idea if and when the ordeal of it all has an end date.
Your future self will thank you.

3. Meditation

This is where I began to learn to separate the "monkey chatter" in my mind from the voice of reason and logic. To separate the physical sensations the brain triggers in the body when one is in danger versus perceived dangers that were not real. This is a daily practice and ritual for myself and my daughters.
Read...study...find anything and everything that you can for your situation.
For me it was the discovery of MWD explanation of the WAW that helped me focus on a direction to move forward. This was the beginning of seeking out material on many other topics such as
Detachment
Being a Man
Habits
Raising of happy and healthy children
Faith and belief

There are many more, but these are the ones that I read, research and practice still.

4. Fears

Identify them

Face them

The only way is through them.

I studied this in depth.

This was the source of so much lost time, energy and poor habits for me during this time...and in life up to this time. I continue to research this and seek mentors and guidance to face this.

5. Abandonment

This is a very real emotional challenge and applies to more situations than you may know. Seek out the knowledge in this and you will identify that what you are experiencing emotionally is not unique and has stages that you can work through with awareness and understanding.

6. Detachment

This was a topic that I discussed with many in my thread and in others threads in my time here. it is a key element to moving on. I believe it is a topic that can be difficult to comprehend and often it seems to be misunderstood. I saw that often it is a term used in statements that indicate a simple passing of time and or hardening one's heart.

I choose to believe that it is a choice and when followed by intentional actions of love and compassion that one can find great and healthy benefit in it, not only in the current situation, but in all of one's relationships in life.

7. Boundaries

There is ample information and guidance for creating and maintaining healthy boundaries for oneself. Seek out this knowledge and work at this. I currently coach several people on this topic as they observed and noticed a change in me and my daughters as I learned and taught them this very important skill. This skill helped me maintain sanity in my situation. I also believe that it has helped me forge healthier interactions with my former W and others in my life.

8.Happiness

It is a feeling that stems from action and choice. The ongoing realization that for so much of my life I believed that feelings were simple sensations...I now choose to believe that we have the power to choose. There are only a handful of actual physical sensations that the human body feels...yet there are over 100 words in the English language to describe these sensations. Over 70% of the words have negative connotations. Happiness can be a choice and there are actions one can take to experience a state of happiness.

9. Love

Another feeling that I believe to be a verb. I thought I did not know what love was. That I was not capable of such a feeling. I have learned that not only am I capable of it, but that I feel it genuinely for many in my life. The beauty of this choice is that there are no strings attached. I choose love without expectations and in doing so I have found that I love more deeply for those that are important in my life.

10. Forgiveness

This takes work, action and a continued conversation in the heart, mind and soul. I can truly say that I am continuing the acts of forgiveness for my former W. We are cordial these days. 🙂. I can truly say that I forgive her.

11. Re-discover yourself

Go find activities that you once liked. Try new ones. Mingle with people that engage in these activities.
Cadet states in well. You have been given the gift of time. Go use it.

12. Gather a team

You will need a team for support and growth. If you were hurt in an accident you would gather doctors, nurses, surgeons, physical therapists, family and friends to help nurse you back to health.

This is no different. Gather the appropriate team of counselors, therapists, doctors, mentors, lawyers, family and friends.

Be cautious as you gather this team. Ensure they mirror and match your values, understand your goals and can provide you the encouragements, advice and support that benefits you.

13. There are no shortcuts

Many that I know have gone through the BD and attempted to take shortcuts.
Substances, new romantic relationships, getting lost in work or other activities that isolate one self.

This will only slow the progress if not lead to destruction of sorts.
I know there are those that will say there are exceptions...and there may be...but I chose not to take that chance. I also know some that have and the piper demanded payment eventually.

I would always encourage that you focus on you, the work that will be necessary for your healing and returning to strength. And if you choose to be an even better version of your former self. There is one rule that you will have to abide by.

That rule is you are going to have to put in the work!