A Father, that was called a Super Hero-Wolverine

[SH_]

It was just over 2 years ago this past Friday that the BD began for me and my family.

I was preparing to take d7 (d5 at the time) to her very first Daddy Daughter dance at her school. I had left work a few minutes early and had arrived home in preparation for the evening. Former W had arrived afterwards with my daughters and was in an agitated state mumbling about one thing and another. I had noticed this agitated state for the past several weeks and asked on a couple of occasions what was on her mind and what may be bothering her. If she provided a response, it was to blow me off and say it was nothing.

On this particular evening I ignored it in preparation to have a good evening with my girls...

Then out of nowhere the fireworks began...the first explosion came as she began yelling at me that I was late and I had better hurry up.

I responded that I was running ahead of schedule and that we would be early without an issue...it turned out I was indeed off schedule a bit as I had planned for a time 30 minutes past the start time. I apologized and stated that I could be ready and on time, still...the fireworks of verbal darts then commenced in her berating me and telling me how lazy I was, and how I never cared about anything and so forth.

I remained silent as was my emotional defense system for so many years when under assault in this manner...10 or 15 minutes of the verbal assault went on when the lock that held back the voice of my mental defense and words snapped...

I yelled, "Quit treating me like I am a child!"

This halted the verbal tirade she was shooting a me...it was also, essentially, the beginning of an end.

There are still many here in the neighborhood that were there for me in the months that followed and are familiar with my story.
There are so many new neighbors that have moved into this neighborhood since the last time I walked these streets.

For those new here, if you have experienced the tragedy of the WAW or WAS, perhaps you may find clues, solace, or maybe even sound advice in the threads that were left and created around me that were my story in early 2016, until I struck out on my own and left the halls of this sanctuary forum.

Far too many good folks find themselves here on the short end of a BD.
Many find comfort, support and guidance in these streets... and for these reasons I return to share and shed some light on what I gathered while here. As well as what I have continued to learn and been able to share forward in other neighborhoods for those experiencing the tragedy of abandonment. The pain of the BD has a far more reaching radius than I would have ever believed prior to my own experience of it all.
And yet in my journeys I have found that the BD and deterioration of a MR can lead to great things...if work is put into play.

There is much material and many books, videos and research on the many aspects of what one goes through as it is related to what each of you may be going through now.

The starting point for each individual will vary and be different in the details. Yet so many of the principles are forever the same once you realize that your situation is not as unique as you may think.

For me, ground zero was coming to grips with what I was feeling, fearing and frankly unprepared to take on.

My search to identify what the issue was, understand it and then try and solve it was the driving factors of what I now look back on as the unraveling of my logical and common-sense self.

There was no logic to it all and that was the point of pressure and angst.
I did what most normal people would do. I sought out information and people that would and could understand what I was going through...

Then I did the next thing that any normal, common sense thinking person would do...I railed against it all, because they don't know what I am going through...my situation is unique...no one has the answers that I need...I need easy, no pain, solutions. I need to know exactly what to do to fix it all.

I pray that you sense the sarcasm in that sentiment.

Now 2 years forward, divorce final just over 7 months ago, 2 well-adjusted daughters, new friends that truly do understand, and many new days and opportunities later I am gathering all that I have learned. My lessons have come from reading, writing, counseling, mentors, trial and error experiments, working to do things differently and a lifetime of new understanding of mental and emotional health. I now offer to share some of the lessons that I have learned from and had the greatest impact for me. I still work on these lessons daily and continue to grow from them. I offer to share them with any that may need it and are willing to accept.
These are the pertiment lessons that have had the greatest impact on my healing, growing, strengthening and experiencing life in a new manner.

The first lessons that I followed in order to slow the emotional bleeding and calm the pain of it all, are the many guidelines and steps that Cadet shares in his intro post to each newcomer. It is a compilation of so much valuable information for any that find themselves here. I won't spell it out here as each of you have seen it.

Some of you are following it as best you can, and some...some tend to ignore most of it and forge forward letting "feelings" and their own logic lead them into the storm.
I highly recommend that you read, study and apply the lessons early and often. But that is just the lesson that I learned on my journey.

It was a dark time for me, but I grabbed a hold of each topic and reviewed it with solid intent.

I believed I understood it and would try as I might to put everything into action as fast as I could...

But my energy levels were very depleted and my emotional state was fragile.
Shock.

Emotional shock that shook biological cornerstones of my well-being to the foundation. Sleep eluded me. Food was rarely consumed...I held onto one practice that had started a year or 2 prior.

I woke up each morning and went running.
Many a morning my vision was clouded with tears and despair...but I rose early and ran, each and every day.

It saved my life.

I cannot imagine what the damage that may have taken place without this. I suffered from high levels of anxiety and my therapist and doctor were concerned as the chemical levels had potential to create physical damages to me.

You see, the chemical balance of the human body is a delicate one and the chemical adjustments that one experiences when hit with the anxiety and depression that this incident doles out, can be very damaging to the organs of the body. It is of upmost importance to do whatever it takes to balance it all out.
Clear thinking and balanced emotions depend on it.

The first and most important lesson that I learned in my journey was that of personal physical care.

That in turn provided me the space to wade into the depths of the emotional and psychological seas to discover the healing I sought, the strength that I desired and the wisdom needed to embark on the new path that was before me.

That story will be for another time.

See part 2