Gordie #17: deliberately not divorced

[Gordie]

Job/Mach—working hard at your homework...trying to see her with new eyes...tying to take time to heal...trying to keep expectations at zero. The expectations part is the hardest. I thought after she dropped the D and OM2 we’d be working on our R but that is clearly not the case.

Butterfly—spot on as always...have done my best to back off...way off...and my emotions have been on overdrive...so trying to take a step back and regain my balance...I like the way you position this as kindness because I think I sometimes see “leaving her to work on herself” is somehow unkind.

Sky high—thank you for your words of wisdom. I should read your thread. Detachment and faking it until I make it? Yes, I’m still trying. And cautious? You bet I am. When she talks of the future, I mainly listen because I have no idea what to say. I’m trying to take one day at a time. I can’t wven make spring break or summer vacation plans with her because I have no idea where I will be in the coming months.

Neutral—I have no idea what she is thinking...yes, sometimes she says or does things that make me think she hears me, and other times not so much.

Gal pal—yes, I do accept my guilt in our situation but I am no longer taking all the blame and yes, she crossed the adultery boundary. That was my boundary. She knew it and she crossed it. And that’s when something inside me died.

I’ll journal when I have more time.