WW, A ended, but struggling to reconnect (My 11th)

[hoosjim]

Well......I don't recommend throwing her an "over the hill" party. But as I've been saying recently, It depends on the current stitch. My short answer is that you need to celebrate your W's birthday. Unless she is one of these rediclous women who don't want anyone knowing their age, then you can have a party for her. Either way, don't ignore her birthday. It is a milestone, so do something to celebrate "with" her......and don't send her off to be alone, as you had previously thought about doing. What would your old W have wanted?

Wanted to clarify something because i gave you the wrong impression previously and you've mentioned it twice now... It was never my impression to send her away "on her own" for a weekend. When i said i wanted to "give her a weekend away", my intention was always that it would be both of us going.

At any rate, my plan is to take her away to a tropical destination for her birthday. That set up was always good for us, we both like the beach and alot of our best early memories are from trips to places like that (Key west, cancun, in particular). I would not plan to throw her any kind of party-- just too problematic with too many different groups of friends (notably her bff... just not sure how to handle that because so much bad blood between certain sectors of her friend profile.) Plus, i am certain bff will arrange something for her. I'd hope her other friends would, too. Maybe i could take a hand in pushing them in the right direction so I am "involved" and leave the sticky guest list issues to them and then i can focus on the trip angle.

WRT the trip, I am just going to approach her and say "Look, W, I really, really want to do something with you on your birthday, and I had wanted to surprise you, but bff's overtures are making that very hard... I really wish she had contacted me first. I'd like you to keep that weekend open".

Or... should i go ahead and contact bff? We are nominally on speaking terms now (well, kind of) but still no love lost. I really don't want her having any whiff of what i am doing so she can non-stop trash me to W, or do something else to sabotage the surprise (which i am sure she would do.) Anyone think i am off base here? I think this is just something i need to talk to W directly about...