Bye bye limbo -- it's time for a change

[ciluzen]

Hey Mleigh! You're post reminds me that yours was the first post in MLC land that I read and responded to, as I realized your situation (at the time) was so similar.

Like you, I still cycle through the same emotions I had at BD. I had a handle on them, and continue to do so off and on, but I'm studying therapy and everything I read resonates or makes me think about XH or my family. I also realize more the depth of his selfishness, which he admits to, and how dysfunctional our family life was because of it. Not always, but just enough that I can see the patterns and how they affected me and especially the kids. Right now, I refer to the welling up of intense emotions "detoxifying". They are just bubbling up all over the place. I deal with them as they come.

Another part of the reason your post struck a chord is that like your H, my XH supposedly doesn't talk to anyone about me or our situation. I know he tried to hide the fact that we are divorced from a lot of people. It is a sign of failure to him. Its shameful, and that is an emotion...he doesn't want to admit to those. One of my professors referred to people like them as "emotionally constipated". They have been taught to stuff those emotions for some reason, so they do...even if you slap them in the face with them or with yours. Its hard to understand how someone can do that, but they can. It just seeps out in wierd ways, like MLC actions.

You're doing great despite the cycling. Its just going to be frustrating and a bit sickenining while the detox happens, whether its from the D or talking with MIL. Keep living your life; you seem to be doing well with it!