WW, A ended, but struggling to reconnect (My 11th)

[hoosjim]

So, excellent pep talks ladies, thanks! I do tend to overanalyze sometimes, and I also in this case have been guilty of over focusing on the affair, even though it is something that obviously has to be dealt with. At any rate, I can be "that guy"... I have been in the past, after all. My confidence overall has been much better the past few months, but there is always room for improvement in how I interact with my wife, and, obviously, I can make our relationship much more rewarding, and, I think, much more fun by just embracing my confidence and going with it.

Now, a different and specific question, especially for you ladies on the board. How to handle big milestone birthdays. My wife will be 50 here in a couple months, middle of May actually. How do women look on these things for the most part? Do they not like a big deal to be made out of them because they tend to be more age sensitive? Or do they want people, particularly their husbands, to make a big deal about it? And obviously there is the overlay of my own particular situation here.

Now, the last I have heard my wife say anything about this, was about 3 months ago in the early stages of our counseling, when she said "I feel bad because I think I'd really like to do something like fly off to Cancun for a week or something on my 50th, but I don't see myself doing that sort of thing with you, I see it more with my girlfriends and I feel like normally that's something you should want to do with your husband, but I'm just having trouble seeing it right now" or something to that effect. Now, I know at that point I mentioned this conversation on my thread, and somebody, I think it was Sandi, posted that should be a red flag, and then I should be wondering or asking what it was that she couldn't do on such a trip with me that she could do with her girlfriends. Like I said, she has said nothing about that subject since, and things are obviously significantly better between us at this point than they were at that point. Reason I ask, is do want to do something significant for her, assuming that that is generally deemed a good idea for women in that situation.

I had just started thinking about what I would do, probably some sort of trip on one of the weekends right around her birthday, and she gets a text from her BFF today, saying "May 16-18 is going to be girls birthday weekend, mark your calendars." For color, both the other girls involved have birthdays within about a month to a month and a half of each other. (my wife showed me the text from BFF when it came in). I didn't say anything, except to comment that "oh your friends' birthday is in May, too, isn't it?" Which wife confirmed, but neither of us said anything else about it at that point. So now I'm like, "damn it, I should already have had something planned..." except for the fact that I have been uncertain about whether or not such plans would be welcomed based on what she had previously said.

As an additional matter, I'm really not thrilled about her having a second overnight girls weekend within a month ( they have already planned one for April to take a wineries tour by limo (bff plans all this stuff) and, obviously, overnight girls weekends with BFF have, in the past, been used by my wife as cover to see the OM. Now, I am more and more believing that she is past the phase of seeing the OM, and more willing for her to be able to go out with BFF (they actually went out last night and Ws behavior was to all apowarances exemplary) I'm just not sure I like the Dynamics of the whole situation, or of her going away twice in one month for that kind of weekend. Especially when I'd like to do something with her, my wife, to mark the occasion

So, two questions I guess: 1) should I be planning something significant for my wife's 50th, particularly under the circumstances, and, if so, what? I was honestly thinking about a getaway trip somewhere though I haven't come up with details yet. Probably a beachy destination since we both like that. 2) how should I be handling this overlay from the proposed girls weekend away. Note that wife has not said definitively yay or nay yet to that weekend. Though I am sure she would like to. She just looooves BFF... [rolls eyes]