Picking up Her MESS #2

[marina7]

Journaling,
Well I guess no matter what I do W will always be W. Lol whatever this means anymore.

So in Illinois we getting hit pretty bad with snow so text W asking if she like me to drop off s and d at her location or any other location but closer to her because of the bad weather. So my text exactly was

Me- Good morning, as we both know weather is bad for anyone to drive I know you have a small car I have the truck if it's ok with you I can drop kids off at your location or any location closer to you.

W- Good Afternoon, I appreciate the offer. I have made arrangements to make it there safely and in time. I would like to keep our arrangement of pick-up and drop off as is.
I would appreciate it if the kids packed there snow boots.

In my text message I did not once mention to change the time or date. Or anything in that source but of course W felt to remind me that she doesn't wanna change anything hmmmm I seriously just cried because I can never win with her I wanted again for W to see I care for her am not the [censored] and monster she has painted me to be. I guess is true what they say Pisces are just pushovers we love hard and very caring humans.

Went to therapy and I guess the reason I keep circling back to emotions and feeling blah is I keep letting myself down example my therapist said. In my head I thought W would have came around all ready going on 10 months W walk out. Or I told myself W will snap out of it on Holidays W caredless or New Year's but W careless if we live or die. But in my peanut head I keep disappointing myself. I have to say therapist correct somewhere in me I think that one-day W will wake up and see what she left behind. I won't say am perfect but God knows am pretty close and somewhere in W heart she knows that she and my kids are my LIFE. I am a hopeless romantic I wish W one-day will knock on my door and say am ready to fight for you and my kids. I am not going give up.

Circling back to what therapist said, and this why I disappoint myself because when W doesn't do what I think she should do I get hurt again over and over.