My Journey with WAS (Part 8)

[Vanilla]

She looks really fake and superficial now. Like she’s trying really hard to show she’s all put together and successful modern woman - single mom with a demanding career. It looks forced.


She looks that way because she is. She is trying on the new lifestyle like new clothes. They don't fit yet.it's unfamiliar to you but it is how she wants to be.

I’m angry because of the following things and I don’t know how to get out of it:

Let me tell you of a technique called reframing.
The first step is what would it be if was OK? The second step is to imagine the opposite and then to consider using the replacement as your tool.

1. Rejection

What if it was ok to be rejected? What if being rejected meant opening the door to new things? What if this new W was a better W? What if this W wasn't what you needed or wanted?

and my hurt ego.

What if I said get over it already? What if I said it was ok to have a hurt ego, it was creating real shift?


2. Being thrown and disposed like garbage

What if that was ok? What if instead it was recycling? There is a lot of money in garbage. Someone once skipped a Hockney picture, lucky finder of that picture. What if one persons garbage is another's treasure?

3. Seeing her looking all put together.

What if it was great she was all together?
Suppose she fell apart into drugs and prostitution Instead? How would that make your life difficult in 5 years? If she becomes successful won't that be better for you financially? Isn't this Ok and better than a dead beat?

Even though I can tell it’s forced, I’m bothered by her looking like everything is all fine.

What if it was ok? What if feeling fine was the better choice?

I think its a lot to do with my ego and rejection.

I need to get over this.

Can we drop the word need please? You don't need to do anything. Instead use the word choose as it creates opportunity and choice. Self talk? Try this instead.....


I choose to get over this quickly and easily. I choose to see my STBXW as a healthy thriving person in her own right as that is best for us all.
I choose to accept that W has the right to a happy healthy life and I choose to know that is in every one's best interest especially mine and my finances. I can not like or enjoy it, but I can choose to accept it.

Not sure how to do it.

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I would start by changing your self talk, and begin to move you to your goals.

You do have goals?

What are they?

V