Yeah one of my biggest issues was with me being the one who initiated the D. But as I see it, I am basically living D without the formal paperwork. W and I don't talk beyond kids. I am completely NC/dark with her and vice versa.
She did send me a couple of random texts recently centered around the kids, but it was stuff that wasn't important. Kinda like, hey this happened and D is grumpy today. And I responded with something pleasant and chill and no response back. Weird, but don't care why she was doing that.
100% detachment is hard when there is this ambiguity, you're right. I've also felt that the situation has just been eroding over time.
I am at peace but I can't file for another 4 months is a bit annoying. But maybe I need the full 12 months to pass to have as much certainty as I would need.
I am with you about not regretting to stand. I think it was important to do that so that decisions aren't made purely out of emotion or impatience. But I am at a place where I feel a lot more stable and I am looking ahead. And I need a really good reason to continue to stand, which I don't have right now.
I also don't think I have it in the tank to go through piecing because I know that it has to include serious IC for W for a long time. That is something she will very likely not do. So, I know what my decision would be at that point. Because I know this I am thinking ahead.
I wish her the best, but I'm almost to the place of being done.
