Have been separated from WW coming up to a year (13th Feb) and spinning my wheels massively, everything seems to have moved into a “normal” existence. We STILL have F2F but these are becoming less and less, basically when it’s my turn to have our children WW no longer comes round but instead either calls or FaceTime’s.
We get along well as long has she gets her way BUT she is slowly learning to not push so much knowing that I’ll hold my own if I feel I’m justified in doing so. Most negative discussions revolve around us having our boys with both unwilling most of the time to move if it’s our turn but being the “adult” I tend to find a solution that works for both parties.
I STILL fall off the DR wagon sometimes but am beginning to see in advance these moments bubbling up in front of me and really should know better but am only human…
As I’ve said in earlier posts time does help! An example - just recently she made a comment about her having our boys when they’re scheduled to be with me but as it’s her birthday she’s got plans to celebrate “as a family” OM/LO included. < This maybe 6-months ago would have been massively hurtful but now although hurtful I can understand that she’s moved on with someone else and leave it at that. What would I gain from making an issue out of this ^^^^..?
What has happened and you can see from my most recent posts is that I maneuvered myself (bad move) into a position where I outlined my continued stance on standing for my MR and family, this stance still hasn’t changed but at the very least shows her someone who can be trusted is committed to the family and honest to the core. This I hope will be the one and only time I do this and instead try and detach better and enjoy my life with our children whilst she continues her journey.
The A continues unabated with no signs of any cracks in their R and this to be honest is helping me realise that whilst they enjoy their life I’ve put mine on hold which needs to be addressed, I know GAL better… It is strange sometimes as WW seems to live a “Jackal & Hyde” type existence!
An example…
Recently I Facetimed our boys when they were at home as I always do and S10 had an issue with the Wi-Fi and a lousy connection, normally I would have solved the issue and all would have been good so expected AP/LO to step in. S10 solved the issue and WW mentioned after S10 told her he’d fixed the issue “well I suppose you’re now the man of the house” and I continued to talk to S10. There have been other times… WW would “suggest” that she’ll sleep with a certain large cuddly toy of S8 as she misses him, this toy is the size of a small boy and in fact larger than S8! You can imagine my mind spiraling out of control which is the hardest thing I’m having to manage and is constantly tough for me.
My concerns… 1. I’m enabling her A – I know I shouldn’t give it headspace BUT why would she want to come back to a R where she has to be with a family 24-7! Presently she can be with our boys 50% of the time then hand them to me and basically act single for the other 50% of the time and enjoy all the privileges that brings. 2. I’m struggling with seeing any hope that what I do can bring a positive solution to this part in my life, separation although massively helpful in keeping my sanity is also allowing me to feel like she/they are falling into a normal R and me finding it harder and harder to see us both together again. I just don’t see us ever being intimate with each other again! That being said there is solid research that with normality comes the same issues any normal MR brings, has she learnt anything that will allow this A R to evolve into a LTR or will this end and she move onto her next LO who knows… 3. Her AP/LO is a co-worker who she sees every day, I can’t ever see NC with him and so RC is almost impossible. 4. She has always been a career driven person and as such again can’t see her giving her job up to work at RC.
I am slowly getting to the point where I’m facing defeat but again will not file for D as I will NOT be the person who’ll end this family, that again is something she as to face as a consequence of her A.
Thanks for reading.
Mark.
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
