Hoping this can be saved, but having doubts

[joejoe1]

Reframe,

Chuck was my DB coach as well. You need to take what he is saying and the advice on this board and see what works for your M. Only you know your W and only you can gauge her reactions.

The one thing you have to keep in mind is not pursuing but also you have to speak her LL. I know it sounds crazy, but you can't become cold and you have to show her a person only a fool would leave. You can GAL and continue to stay in the house with your W. Let her see the new you and what she will be losing.

Let your W go! Let her go on her own journey and you go on yours, do you have to kick her out, no! But you also cant put up with her sh!t. You have to stand up for yourself. You have to be confident and upbeat around her all the time. I know its hard as hell. None of this is or will be easy.

Don't worry about recon until she has shown you she is all the way in. If you try to recon before then, it becomes pressure. Let her come to you and prove to you that she wants to be in the M. But she won't do that until she feel you are safe.

Safe: A place for her to let her guard down, and let out all her emotions and feelings without any judgement, demeaning, guilt shaming, or misunderstanding from you. This is a place to freely express yourself. No barriers, no expectations. That's what love truly is. When you love another person, you love them, unconditional without expectations. They are free to be who they are. And when they love you back you are allowed to do the same.

I think we have gotten love and respect tangled up. Without respect in a relationship there can't be love. See there, without RESPECT love has no place to thrive.

So before love there is respect. People learn how to respect each other before they learn how to love each other.

The LBS always try to win love back, but the truth is the LBS has to win respect back before their S will ever come back and that's the message thats hard to get thru to most LBS. Winning respect back is terrifing for most LBS because it entails, saying NO, and letting go of the thought of only one ending and thats healing the M.

Your work is in winning/gaining your respect back not your W or M

I used the winning instead of gaining, because it sounds more goal oriented too me.

Get your respect back so she can love you. These are my opinions from all my research and readings

Onward and forward