New LBS, not sure if he's having LMC

[meg24]

I just started reading DR, so far so good. Been reading through the other links provided, I'm currently struggling with detachment. I started detaching last week, but slipped quickly. Perhaps because we're still under the same roof?

But as of today I have recommitted to detachment. Before last week, I know the begging, pleading, reasoning, etc., wasn't working, but in my mind it was helping me because at least he could see that I still care, right? WRONG. He pretty much told me it was pushing him away. So I started pulling back, then he said I must not care anymore.

This morning the fight was about money, he opened his own checking account at another bank and wanted me to pull out a large chunk from our joint account, to fix his motorcycle and daily driver (which I had previously told him to have fixed). I wasn't expecting the request to pull it out, so I freaked out. H then came back with "I'm trying to control him, watch where he's spending money, etc", when in reality I just didn't want that kind of "finality". He said he's trying to relearn independence, since he gave up all financial control to me long ago. I've tried many times over the years to get him involved in finances, but he didn't want to know anything. Throughout this whole thing he's always said he will take care of me and the kids, make sure I have enough money to cover mortgage and bills, etc, so that's not an issue. Just the separation of finances freaks me out.

So after that fight, I decided I'm pulling back. I sent him TM that I have to focus on myself, he needs to focus on him, but also stated that I do not want the situation we're in.

The biggest thing that [censored] is the kids. Our s16 is the most affected, he and H but heads the most. S16 tells me that the communication issue with H and I isn't just me, that H yells and goes to extremes whenever someone tells him something he doesn't want to hear. In fact I told H that I would like him to take s16 to get new boots and jeans (badly needed), he said fine. S16 said he doesn't even want to deal with him. Whenever H is actually home, all the kids scatter to their rooms. But I guess that's not so different. I've always been the one that's more involved in their daily lives, taking interest in what's going on with them. H rarely asks them anything, unless it's to do something for him.

I just keep getting the ILYBINILWY from him. How does this happen? One day we're fine, loving, normal married, the next week, BAM, he says he has not more emotional feelings for me (but he'll love me till his dying breath).

What is going on with him?