Hoping this can be saved, but having doubts

[reframe]

Coconut -

I've been doing outdoor stuff on my own once a week or so, as well as spending time on pet projects. I have admittedly probably done this a bit too much on her schedule though. I had also done my best to implement Sandi's rules, esp. no "R" talk, not contacting her during the day unless she contacts me, etc, although no one is perfect with their implementation.

I can tell from my emotional state that I'm nowhere near detached though.


You're probably right that I'm jumping the gun to consider leaving..Seeing her clearly plan on being single and divorced makes me feel like I'm being taken for a ride (i.e. taken advantage of) and triggered a bit of an emotional button for me. That and having some clarity can be appealing, since the uncertainty is the hardest thing to deal with. But realistically waiting another few months won't change anything, and it could give a chance for things to improve.

LH19 and Coconut:
I think his rationale is that I should continue to show her I can meet her needs (i.e. speak her love languages) without falling into pursuit. That's a REALLY though balance of course. But his logic was that she also needs to be reminded of the value in the relationship. His argument is that "she is considering divorce because she doesn't think she can get her needs meet with you"

I don't believe there is an OM at the moment, just that she is having some fantasies about a mutual friend of ours (who lives in a different state). I know she's said (not to me) that she isn't physically attracted anymore and we haven't had sex in months. I haven't physically changed at all from when she was very attracted - so I'm sure this is an emotional issue between us, not anything physical.


Update:

For whatever it's worth, I sent a friendly "thinking of you" TM today. No ILY or anything.
She called me and chatted eagerly a little bit later.

We normally take a class together this evening - I made plans that may interfere with it, but will meet here there if time permits. I stopped by and she was generally positive and playful/affectionate. So I was positive and upbeat, and I made some plans for activities that don't involve her.
I also got a little glimpse of the woman I love (and who actually likes me).

The trick with this approach is not falling into pursuit mode. My mood is also WAY to dependent on how our last interaction happened to have gone.