Rebuilding my life (ILYBNILWY? IDGAF 2)

[DonH]

East, first of all don't be so hard on yourself. I'm serious when I say this is not just you struggling - most of us would be struggling in this situation. Much of what is going on with D is because of W and what is going on. Is you C experienced in situations like this? She might not be. You may want to speak with your L about this. She may have someone to recommend. You need to get help on how to deal with a crazy person like your Ex. She's got so many issues on her own that until she gets fixed she will never begin to see any of these things clearly. You can't fix her so all you can do is find out how to make the best of all of this.

I have a friend with a crazy ex like this. She has so much damage in her youth, including molestation, that she may never be "normal." He had to find out how to deal with her. What to do, what not to do.

From everything I can tell, if you knew what to do, you would do it! You just are not sure. And no one can blame you. So you're willing to try anything. What you need is a proven plan that is more likely than not to work. I really think that has to come from a professional that has dealt with dysfunctional divorces like this. Your ex knows deep down she is F'd up. But will fight that at any cost by blaming you, ignoring the obvious, etc. It's never going to be her - because it's all about her. She feels like she's a crappy parent and that D doesn't want her in her life - which is why it kills her if D doesn't do and say whatever she needs to hear. How pathetic is that? Your ex depends on manipulating a 7 year old for her own happiness.

It's also possible that getting a kick arse C for D might give you some of these ideas as well or get both of you together to deal with this.

Finally, you may want to put the adoption thing on the back burner for a bit.