In-house separation on path to D

[Verum]

Sandi,

Thanks for your post.

You are correct, there was a one-night stand in 2012 with her gym instructor, who moved out of the country soon after.

When in reality, a WW should worry that she has lost her H.

Point well taken. I think I have done well in that I have essentially accepted her wish for a D, I don’t show neediness, I don’t follow her around, I give her space, and I have ceased asking about her day, telling her about mine, etc. I also do GAL and have been out and doing things I like, which shows when I get home. I think I have projected an image of somebody who's going to move on without her.

However, in my response to the D papers I did check the box that I do not agree.

This is my complaint about in-house separation. It is no separation. You still live together, carry on with family activities together, and some couples even sleep together.

Neither one of us is going to leave the house, so I need to make it so we have as little contact as possible.

Did you decide to stick to the skiing vacation b/c it would be disappointing for the kids?

I planned the vacation and initially did not include W, but because the house we use is her friends, I felt I couldn’t tell her she couldn’t come. Maybe in hindsight I should have choked up the $$$ and just rented a place or canceled the trip.

Does she think she's invited along on this special vacation?

No, she knows she is not. In fact, I just bought tickets for all of us and sent her the itinerary (which I must do according to the Temporary Restraining Orders associated with filing for D).

She may not have communicated in a way that woke you up and actually made you listen to her, but I bet she tried to let you know she wasn't happy. You knew years ago when you first received the BD.

I agree. Earlier in our MR she did communicate. I was really referring to post-BD #1. This is why I have said before that I screwed up piecing. I should have insisted on marriage counseling to address some of the lingering issues as well as the new ones that popped up after BD#1. At the time, she would have probably gone to counseling.