This used to be easier - and a lot more fun, cont.

[DonH]

Thanks for the initial responses here. I think I need to provide a little more insight - and at the same time help me process through as even the first posts have helped me explore more within myself. I might break this into two posts or at least two sections since there really are two main themes and sides to this.

I'll start with the business end of it. It's clear by Coconut's suggestions the business aspects are being missed and this is a good part of why this is so hard for me.

First, if I go this will be, I think, my 10th cruise. I've never paid for ONE! How cool is that and how lucky am I - I know this, but sometimes forget it. Being on stage for me is just my job. It's no big deal. It really is not - especially at my level. I've performed with some B or C level "stars" from time to time - names you perhaps might know, but not like some of my buddies in the industry have and do all the time. It's possible you might know some of these players - but only if you watch RFD Television. Still, it's no different for me than it is for any of you going to your job.

Now, back to the free cruises. The first was a gift from a hotel that the organization I was CEO for did a lot of business with. They didn't want to lose us so they gave both me and another high level exec a 4 day cruise. At the time I was dating the woman that would become my exW for about three months. When we sailed we had been dating about 6 months. It was a perfect opportunity. Perhaps there is "PTSD" coming from that?

From there I got the idea to run group cruises for this same organization I was CEO of. These cruises were highly successful taking as many as 500 people - never less than 200. That netted me suites on the ships. I've also done two previous band cruises - where I just performed but had nothing to do with running the cruise - sort of like this latest offer.

Then I got D'd and a few years later ran another group cruise. I went by myself for the first time. I had an "owners suit" - one of the best cabins ever! I WENT BY MYSELF AND HATED IT. Now this was only a few years post D, but it's still in my head. More "PTSD"? These things are in many ways for couples - at least the ones I ran were. You do dinners together and take great couple portraits, shore excursions with, etc. It really hit me to the point that I never wanted to go through that again. I still have a group photo where the staff are all in the front row - two by two by two and then me on this love seat by myself with a group of 300 in back of us. That's why when I ran this last one a couple of years ago I refused to go by myself. I tried everyone I knew and no one could get off work, had vacation time, had the money or wanted to go. I released the free cruise and stayed home. More "PTSD"?

Now let's look at the business of what is really going on here. In essence, I'm being given $3,000. That really is the case. I then use that money to purchase two $1,100 cruise tickets and two $400 flights. In fact, I MIGHT (not sure) get a 1099 tax form at the end of the year and then have to pay taxes on this money. It really is income even if money does not change hands. Obviously, they don't send me a check, but just book things for me, but it's no different than if they did give me cash. Sure I can deduct my travel and cruise but NOT that of my guest. So to just put anyone's name down and them not go really is just like taking $1,500 and lighting it on fire! Oh and then paying income tax on the money I just torched.

Add to that, I know and work with these promoters. It's not like I'm "screwing the man" here or some huge cruise line who might not know or care. If this guy found out what I did, he'd likely never hire me again - or a band I was any part of. Word would spread quickly. I would not blame him. How would you feel if someone you hired did this to you? Id' be far better off telling him not to book that flight and he could save $400 or perhaps give it to me or split it with me.

I'm telling everyone this because it really is part of why this is bothering me. For the other guys in the band or anyone in an R - it's an incredible opportunity. Take your wife or GF on a free vacation, make a little money to pay for some expenses while you are there, work perhaps 20 hours during the week and come home. For me it's not like that - and that's what psss me off. You really have to have a GF or W for this to be an opportunity.

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With that understanding, you may now see how this is more complicated. It also could put stress and expectations on anyone who might go with me. Not only am I giving them a $1,500 gift, I may be paying taxes on it!!! That's a huge gift for anyone not in an R. Now, just as I would not expect sex after taking someone to a high end restaurant and perhaps to some expensive outing, I would certainly expect she be enguagued, interested, likely a kiss, hold hands, whatever. I most certainly would not expect that she flirt with other guys or meet someone else or something. Same here, I don't want someone leaving the cabin at 9 AM saying "see you later, have a good day" or something.

On the other side, what might whomever goes with me be thinking? "What is Don expecting for such a huge gift," etc. It really complicates all of this. Nearly all of my good friends are married. I have one brother - married, my mom and dad are still both living and actually may go anyway. My good guy friends are married. None of the above are going to go without their wives. They just are not. Plus, at least for me, girls do this stuff all the time. Guys... not so much. In fact as I'm texting about this with the drummer he made the comment "you could always bring a guy and pretend you're gay." Not a totally true statement but there you go. I won't even get into my homophobia. LOL

I'll stop there for part II later. Hopefully this gives some of the background as to why this may be bothering me more than nearly anything else has in this arena since last year. And that in itself bothers me! I really had dropped the rope and have not cared much about women or dating. To be honest, I've been rather certain I never want to get married again for some time now and for the last six months, I've gotten to the point I don't even want a GF. For the most part that fits me just fine - until something like this comes up and smacks me upside the head. I'll address that aspect of it and some of Jruss great points later today.

Thanks everyone!