This used to be easier - and a lot more fun, cont.

[DonH]

While I have been meaning to post some thoughts about on-line dating (OLD), something I gave up,after multiple failed attempts, this is not that post. Instead, I've been rather bothered by some events today and figured this was the place to post. I'm not really looking for answers I guess, just frustrated.

I've not been in an actual R for like four years now, perhaps it's more like 4.5. It doesn't really bother me much anymore. In fact, it was because it was bothering me that I finally gave up, ad I really have given up and dropped the dating rope. My last real date was last Fall.

So today I get a request that most people would do back flips over - including me while still married. I get a request to play sax with one of the regular bands I gig with on a 7 day cruise. We only have to play several evenings and then afternoons for two at sea days. It's beyond an easy gig. Thing is, it pays bare minimum - at least compared to my normal gigs which are never less than three figures. BUT even though it's token pay, they cover both the cost of the cruise and flights there - about $1,500 for me AND they will do the same for my "girlfriend". I was like..... Ah, girlfriend?

Such a bummer on an otherwise great gift. Who would not accept a free cruise for two? The leader of the band was certainly willing as was the guitar player. Both are married. The drummer goes through GF like water but has been with the same GF now for about 14 months - although based on her comments this last weekend that may be coming to an end. Then there is me, the extra in the party if 6 or 8 or 10.

The same thing happened two years ago with a group cruise THAT I RAN. We sold just over 100 cabins with about 220 people. I tried everyone I could think of to find someone to go with me. I finally just said, release my cabin and I didn't sail on the cruise that I orchestrated. It makes me depressed and feeling like a loser just thinking about it.

I think that's a good part of why I feel so shltty again now. I feel history repeating itself. Now this may be worse as I'm not going to give away a free vacation just so someone else can go. I can't really sell the other ticket - not ethically anyhow. If I don't find someone, unlike last time where I could bow out, I would still have to go. I really even wonder if the promoters would perhaps force me to room with another musician I may not even know. That's a definite NO F'N WAY. Not going to happen.

I really do well by myself most of the time. It's just times like this... I should be on here saying, I was just given a seven day cruise for two. Instead I'm depressed and not sure what I'm going to do. That [censored]!

I do have ideas, and 10 months to figure it out - well, figure out who my "date" will be that is. They want my answer now. I've already gotten all sorts of suggestions not limited to taking the 32 year old best friend of the leaders daughter. "Do you want to go on a cruise with my dad's friend". I know her somewhat well and she actually may. I just feel like a creepy old man just thinking about it.

Have not thought about her in forever but I really hate my exW today for what she did to my life.