In-house separation on path to D

[sandi2]

I have gotten behind on this thread, but there was an A the first time you joined the board.

I wrote the note because it's how I felt, and I thought I would let her know that the door is open for recon if she wants it. I didn't submit the form yet, and now I'm thinking I should just check the box that I agree with her and remove the note I wrote. I was thinking it is too much pursuit and she probably already realizes I would consider recon.

Here is the point that may divide my thinking from others on the board. You LBH's are always insuring the WW that you are keeping the door open to reconcile. When in reality, a WW should worry that she has lost her H. As long as he is writing notes that the door is still open if she wants it......it's hardly a message she's losing him.

With WW's, what they can't have, is attractive. What is taboo, inappropriate, illegal, shocking, or whatever, is the very thing that tempts her.

We went as a family on what has become for us an annual ski trip. We drove up and did everything as if we were together. My W and I even slept in the same bed for the first time in two months.

This is my complaint about in-house separation. It is no separation. You still live together, carry on with family activities together, and some couples even sleep together. So......what exactly is separated? They go from living like a family, straight to divorce. How do you expect the kids to handle that type of transaction when there has been no physical separation beforehand? I have not seen a successful in=house separation.

Of course she wants the best of both worlds! You even said she was a cake eater. You also said you didn't want to play happy family (or happy couple). Did you decide to stick to the skiing vacation b/c it would be disappointing for the kids? That's what everyone usually says, but guess what? Better to have disappointment over the loss of one vacation, than a lifetime of family togetherness.....or do you think it will continue even after a D?

How will she ever get a glimpse of D life, or experience any type of loss, as long as you play house and happy family together? You are even planning to build a little place behind your house? And, how will that make your new W or her new H feel, knowing the ex is just a few feet away? Better yet, how will you feel when you watch her AP sleep over? Seriously, neither of you are being very realistic about all of this, IMHO.

I told her that my goal was to act honorably throughout because I wanted to look back on events without regret. I started to get emotional and she hugged me.

You were quoting to her what you have read on the board. You need to stop it. Unless you are told to say something specifically to her, don't repeat statements from the board to your W.

I don't know how we got on the subject, but I plan on taking my girls on a special vacation with me for my 50th b-day. My W asked if I bought tickets yet. She asked if I expected her to pay half. I said no, and she said maybe she will as a b-day gift to me.

Does she think she's invited along on this special vacation?
I don't see where you set her straight about it.

During the conversation, I learned one thing that bothered her was she felt she had no space or privacy.

So, you've never read how the WW wants space and privacy? Seriously? This is code for, "Stay out of my way while I cheat on you".

I really feel that D is inevitable at this point. My W has bottled up resentment and unhappiness from our MR. What bothers me most is she didn't ever communicate it to me.

She may not have communicated in a way that woke you up and actually made you listen to her, but I bet she tried to let you know she wasn't happy. You knew years ago when you first received the BD.