I have several thoughts but it’s hard to write them out on my phone. I can’t even begin to understand the hopelessness that you express and I know that you are far stronger than you give yourself credit for.
My feeling is that divorce or no, you have a lot of your own issues to sort out. Getting a divorce isn’t going to solve those. You’ve already been divorced twice - and the same underlying issues persist. Regardless of your husbands behaviors, I think it is vital that you tackle your own insecurities and behaviors before it really matters what you do with H. It isn’t about H at this point, it’s about you. Otherwise, you’ll get divorced and then find a new man and a new set of problems and be just as overwhelmed then.
Please keep posting. I believe you are in a place that will be healthy for you.
