So what did you decide about letting your W stay in the house? any timeline?
Still undecided. Have to wait until I can at least legally kick her out lol! My friend told me his W said my W said she will probably be here until July.
Not sure I can do another 5 months.
Pros: Good for kids No child support Shared expenses She still cleans like a freak
Cons: Have to deal with her mood swings Can't date Feel trapped some days
I am in a really good place and ready to move forward. I am hoping she finds a house so I don't have to send her packing. I'll take it day by day.
Like just one time go off on my W, yell, scream and tell her all the things that I have had to process and deal with until now. It would be all about me but sometimes I just get wore down taking the high road, being the better man, etc. etc. etc. Let her know how unacceptable this is, to not even want to work on things, how you could be so selfish, yada, yada, yada.
AMEN to that bro! Taking the high road is effin' lonely and no one is going to pat you on the back and give you any medals. [censored].
Head up J9 you are going to do great for your children
Thanks BH....sometimes I wonder if I am doing the right thing. Like just one time go off on my W, yell, scream and tell her all the things that I have had to process and deal with until now. It would be all about me but sometimes I just get wore down taking the high road, being the better man, etc. etc. etc. Let her know how unacceptable this is, to not even want to work on things, how you could be so selfish, yada, yada, yada. Sometimes I feel like I have made this process so easy for her and does she really understand how lucky she is and what kind of person she is walking away from.
I know I am venting but at times I still struggle.
J9, don't do it, you are in a much better place now.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
LH - Tough call either way and after 2.5 years you finally are seeing light at the end of the tunnel and it gets delayed....uggh. Tough call with the kids day by day is prob best.
M - Sometimes I just want to Rage Against The Machine!
[quote] Let her know how unacceptable this is, to not even want to work on things, how you could be so selfish, yada, yada, yada. Sometimes I feel like I have made this process so easy for her and does she really understand how lucky she is and what kind of person she is walking away from.
If you did this what would you accomplish? What is your end result?
What if she said your'e right I am being selfish. I don't want to be married to you anymore but I will do it for you and the kids. Would you agree to that proposition?
If you did this what would you accomplish? What is your end result?
It might make me feel better for about 5 min then I would regret doing it. It wouldn't accomplish anything and the end result would be the same.
Quote:
What if she said your'e right I am being selfish. I don't want to be married to you anymore but I will do it for you and the kids. Would you agree to that proposition?
Ah yes, the newbies. What an awful time in my life and there is nothing you can do to take away the pain. All you want is some answers and most of us will never get them. I remember clinging on to every word, every interaction and you/ACC were right it was about the loss of control. I was a pretty strict DBer and while it didn't save my MR I know it saved me and helped me heal/detach etc. in a more timely manner. Sometimes I feel like this place is the Walking Dead and they just keep coming. I have had to step away for a while because it becomes too depressing at times.
I can relate to this. The newbies are looking for hope, and I find it hard to give any right now.
I wonder what percentage of D's the LBS/WAS dynamic applies to? Like for us, all WAS's seem to be the same and follow a script. Are all LBS's the same? Do we have a script?
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
1. Begging, pleading, grovelling / asking for second chance 2. Becoming super-parent and super-partner 3. Trying to increase physical affection and say nice complimentary things 4. Giving forgiveness pre-emptively hoping it would keep them in the MR 5. Becoming a doormat and wanting the bleeding to stop and so doing whatever it takes to keep them in the MR
Today I will commit myself to detachment. I will allow myself and those around me the freedom to be as they are. I will not rigidly impose my idea of how things should be. I will not force solutions on problems, thereby creating new problems. I will participate in everything with detached involvement.
Today I will factor in uncertainty as an essential ingredient of my experience. In my willingness to accept uncertainty, solutions will spontaneously emerge out of the problem, out of the confusion, disorder, and chaos. The more uncertain things seem to be, the more secure I will feel, because uncertainty is my path to freedom. Through the wisdom of uncertainty, I will find my security.
I will step into the field of all possibilities and anticipate the excitement that can occur when I remain open to infinity of choices. When I step into the field of all possibilities, I will experience all the fun, adventure, magic, and mystery of life.
1. Begging, pleading, grovelling / asking for second chance 2. Becoming super-parent and super-partner 3. Trying to increase physical affection and say nice complimentary things 4. Giving forgiveness pre-emptively hoping it would keep them in the MR 5. Becoming a doormat and wanting the bleeding to stop and so doing whatever it takes to keep them in the MR
I am sure there's tons more.
I know I mostly followed that script. But then comes Act II.
1. After uncurling from the fetal position, the realization you are going to live through this. 2. Doing the things YOU want to do, because you missed doing them. 3. Beginning to detach. 4. Growing enough to realize that yes, you were not the perfect spouse, but neither were they. 5. Realization that your spouse was a fool to leave you, and you are going to kick life's a$$ from here on out.
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
