What to Do? 7

[chris19]

Hey y'all. I will try to re-cap the past couple days.

Yes, we did meet up on Saturday (2/3/18) at her house. I arrived around 2pm to her house to unload the U-Haul (we did it at her place because I live on the top floor of an apt and she has a ranch); so it was easy to unload. We spent about 2 1/2 hrs splitting up the gifts as best we could. We had to look up some prices to make sure it was even for the most part. She seemed a little distraught the whole time, as I was upbeat (business-like) and wanting to finish.

After we finished with the gifts, we loaded up the U-Haul with the stuff I was taking back with me; and then went inside to look over the dissolution papers. I had already had them reviewed and looked over them a couple times, but had a few questions; we squared everything away. As I told her I wanted to get going so I could get home before dark she asked; "What do you think about all of this"?

I chose my words carefully and said "I explained to you, I would not stand in your way if this is truly what you want". She said; "oh comon, can we just talk and not give me an answer like your a therapist?" That is when we got into a deep R talk. She told me how over the past six months all see wanted was to hang out and see if something was still salvageable between us. And I explained to her, how I thought that was extremely disrespectful (that she didn't know if we were salvageable); and I was not going to "hang out" as long as your involved with another person. This conversation went on for like 10 minutes. Her explaining what she needed the past six months (as she was crying); and me validating her; but staying strong and confidence that my actions (going dark/NC) was the right thing for me to do. I could hear in her voice the guilt and blame a bit; it is crazy how easily I picked up on this.

After that conversation; she asked me, "so you are OK will me filing on Monday". I said, "Yes". She instantly went into her bedroom and was crying. I left. She met my at my apartment because she was helping me unload my wedding gifts. She was silent the whole 30 minutes while helping me. As we both left my door (me to return the truck, and her to go back home) she gave me my key back and did not say a word.

As I returned home from the U-Haul place, I noticed her sitting in her car near the front of my complex. I got out and asked her if see was OK She was in a historical melt-down. I jumped in her passenger seat. When I got in she apologized for everything; told me she was sorry for hurting me, for letting me down, for breaking my trust, and for not being the wife she was supposed to be. I tried to calm her, but she was very emotional at this time; so I explained to her, that I had responsibility in the marriage as well and I contributed to our issues before your affair. She told me she has been guilty for a year and a half and was so sorry.

We talked for a little more, she kept asking me what I wanted, and I tried my best to explain I do not a D; I would not still be here if I did not a D. She said, "well I don't know what you want bc we have barely talked for 6 months". I expressed, that is bc everything I told you in the past remains true today, I would not try this relationship until that OP is out of your life. I told her I would never be your plan B; she explained you were never my plan B (i kind of chuckled at that). Then I got a little angry and told her how much an affair hurts, and how she has no idea the pain and suffering which comes along with being the betrayed.

The emotional convo died out a bit as we were both just exhausted from the draining day. I told her I want to be with you; and you need to stop communicating with this OP so we can connect again. She agreed; but she also said, she never wanted to make that promise in the past because she knew how hard it would be to stop talking to that OP, and she did not want to lie to me. I told her I understand how addicting an affair can be, and that is why it needs to be dealt with in MC. I said, "I know it's not easy to give an affair up", "I know there are time you will be tempted, but that is not a reason to not try".

The convo ended, and I told her I was hungry and lets get dinner. We got dinner then she went home. On Sunday (2/4) she was texting me and asking what I was doing for the Super Bowl (and if I wanted to come over). I told her I was going to my buddies house and she was welcome to come. She explain although that sounds really nice because she missed them she's just embarrassed right now and not ready to see people yet. I validated her, and told her if you change your mind your more than welcome here.

We have been somewhat texting over the last couple of days. And we are going to the gym together today (2/6).