All the help I can get - First Post!

[Coconut]

On to my questions:
- One complaint is that we lacked affection/touching but I am pretty sure she cant receive that right now. Should I eliminate it from my thoughts? When is the right time to give that to her? Its hard to stand there blankly, even looking concerned when she is crying. Is that ball 100% in her court?
- I have told her, so perhaps its a moot point, but how do I let her know the bedroom door is always open? She does not have to feel confined to a guest room.
- FINALLY - I have a potential biz trip in less than 2 weeks that will last 10-14 days. I tried putting it off, but it has to happen. Part of me thinks it might be good. By that point I'll have been 180-ing for about a month and the distance might create some fondness. The other part of me knows that I could be in a totally different boat in 10 days and traveling could be a big set back. Any ideas or tips here? Assuming the trip has to happen, should I maintain the course as it seems to be working, should I discuss how we'll communicate while I am gone (I at least have to see kids), should I set any different goals knowing I will be out of sight for that period??

To all the above, she knows that you want to make this work, you do not need to remind her. If she’s crying, she knows you’ll accept a hug if she needs it; if she wants to move in the MBR, she knows you want her there; As for the trip, go on the trip if needed, tell her you would like to communicate with the kids and ask what would be most convenient for her, she call you and give them the phone, you call at certain times, etc. Don’t mention you two communicating, she knows you want to and you’ll just be pressuring her.

- Given the sitch, any other suggested 180s?

join an AA support group.

- There's times I feel she might bring up the R and I get feelings it wont be good so Ive tried to get out of the house to avoid it. Is this a good idea or is any R talk initiated by W someting I should welcome to allow for validation? I am trying to buy time for 180s to show and build trust, so I am sometimes afraid of how a R talk will go. Some are starting to set and have a positive effect, so I do not want to go too deep at this stage. Is this the right approach?

That’s avoidance and it’s not going to get you anywhere. If she wants to talk, you need to be there, listen and validate;

- For counseling, based on last R talk, I am starting to get the feeling that its a good time for us to sit with someone together. She seems to be waffling, so perhaps a third voice will help us build on positives over the last few weeks and get some new techniques/tasks to work on together -- start piecing. I am also afraid that she'll latch onto something bad and erase the progress that has been made.

This would have been better done when she asked you if she should go. Have you asked the counselor what they think? Just tell her that you asked the counselor on their opinion of her joining and they said “…”. Tell her the date and time of the next appointment and that she is welcome to join in.

You didn’t bring it up, but are there any other “weird” things going on? Out more than usual, hiding phone from you, texting/phone calls more often than usual?