We went as a family on what has become for us an annual ski trip. We drove up and did everything as if we were together. My W and I even slept in the same bed for the first time in two months.
When we got home there was an incident that led to a relationship talk with tears and hugs between the two of us. When we got home, after unloading the car, my W left to go somewhere. She was texting much of the way home. I hate clutter and started putting everything away, including her bag next to the guest room. She came home about an hour later and was dyeing her hair in the bathroom. She needed the shampoo which was in her bag. She asked D11 to get it, who couldn't find it and went back and forth a few times.
Later that night she came into my room and in a low, calm voice asked that I not move her things. This started a fight because of course both of us have pent up anger and resentment. I had accused her of doing things since our in-house separation started. She explained herself and I validated her perspective. She started crying and I hugged her and she hugged me back. We have mediation scheduled for next week, and I asked her if she has a plan. She says no. I asked her about her proposal to build a granny unit. We discussed it, but the proposal is dead now that she thought of it more.
I asked her why she keeps inviting me to things, and why she wants to be with me. She answered she doesn't want to be with me (ouch), but it is awkward for our friends.
During the conversation, I learned one thing that bothered her was she felt she had no space or privacy. I have done a 180 on this.
She told me that she was a push-over. Some of her D'd friends told her this. Why is she a push-over? Because she left the master bedroom and is sleeping on the couch. My moving her stuff upset her because she already feels homeless and put out.
I told her that my goal was to act honorably throughout because I wanted to look back on events without regret. I started to get emotional and she hugged me.
One issue in my MR is my W expects me to read her mind. I told her I cannot read her mind and she just has to tell me, especially now.
I don't know how we got on the subject, but I plan on taking my girls on a special vacation with me for my 50th b-day. My W asked if I bought tickets yet. She asked if I expected her to pay half. I said no, and she said maybe she will as a b-day gift to me.
The next day I texted my W about her availability to be served my response to the D papers. She responded about 3 hours later. When I got home we ate dinner as a family and my W and I talked about politics and Trump. I helped D11 with homework and D17 with signing up for the SAT. Afterwards, we talked briefly about our daughters and school.
I really feel that D is inevitable at this point. My W has bottled up resentment and unhappiness from our MR. What bothers me most is she didn't ever communicate it to me. I remember asking her once a couple of years ago what she thought a good marriage was, and she answered it just was.
I also have learned from my L and others to expect the D to take about a year.
