Because she's already got him dangling by a string. And my reckoning is that she wants you dangling by a string as well. Extra attention and all that.
Hmm, I'm tempted to say to keep a record of seeing her coming out of your room, and a record of the message. Just for yourself. I wouldn't tell her that's what you're doing. Just a log of this sort of stuff. You might not need it, but you might end up using it.
I think back to my own situation and realise how much of a total stranger my XH turned into. It must have been lurking below the surface for a good while before it kinda burst out into the open. He did and said things that made me think I didn't know him at all and he was a total stranger to me.
Now I operate on the principle that I have no idea who he is and/or what he's capable of doing or saying. It's easier for me, as we don't share children. But that's my way of thinking.
I remember one evening a couple of months after he'd left he came round and tried to get it. I was supposed to have been out at work, but I wasn't well so I was home, watching the TV really quietly. He tried the locks a couple of times and then left. I had changed the locks a short while before because knowing that he could come in to my house at any time and without warning wasn't helping my state of mind or my healing. It was one of the best things I ever did, I felt so much safer afterwards, more peaceful.
I don't think he knew I was there. And he's never mentioned it, or referred to it. But I know.
Anyway, if you're not doing it already, I can recommend some guided meditation tutorials on YouTube. They help you access that space in yourself that is between someone doing or saying something and your reaction. Then you can **choose** your reaction. I've been doing them for a good while now, and they've changed my life.
