Living in the Present, only Looking Forward

[DonH]

I'm going to just drop the whole getting rejected "just in case I/you might have been serious" thing. Yes, this is sarcasm. However I still don't think we are on the same page about the people from here dating or getting married piece. Hopefully this clears it up. Ginger, when you said last week, and now again reiterated, that people here have gotten married, had kids, etc. you don't mean they met here - right? See I thought that's what you meant last week - like people like you and doodler have met each other here, gotten together and later married and had kids. You just meant someone like doodler met someone who has never been on these boards and gotten married. Do I have that correct now? If not, who from DB met someone else from DB and had any kind of LTR? Ive never heard of that and I've been here since 2005! Gawd that sounds pathetic - though I did take a break for 6 or 7 years in that span.

Coconut, I was about to try to help you gain some clarity but at the end it looks like you did just that all on your own! I think what happened with you is great insight, not only for you but many of us. Where to start...

- You singed up for OLD, got introduced to someone, quickly backed down and deleted your profile.

- You created a new profile and again started talking with someone but never met.

- You then gave up talking to her because you really were interested in this new girl and didn't want to chat with two women once - for some reason.

- You were really into this new girl but still only wanted a friend. At the same time, You only want a friend but you want a hot friend that you can be sexually attracted to.

Unless I got some details wrong here, do you see the craziness? And it really just comes down to the fact that you're not ready to date.

BUT THEN... You figured that out all on your own. It's called GAL. That's really what you've wanted and guess what, a GF may happen because of it. And I have to give you huge props for this as I'd really have a hard time doing what you did Sunday. I really would, even though I know it's what I need. I've had so many friends over the years but things change, my D, no longer a firefighter/paramedic - which odd as it may sound was a huge social circle. No longer working full time. I need more friends, I know this. I could walk in that house. I could do that, but meeting amd interacting is a crapshoot. If I'd really hit it off with some, great but honestly that's a 20% chance at best for me.

But this is not about me and belongs on my own thread.

Before you do any more OLD I really think you need to decide what you want. Maybe you have and GAL is it. The fact that you wanted physical attraction with someone you don't want an R with tells me you want an R but are afraid of it - or are just not ready. You want the fantasy or perhaps the feelings of attraction but not have to act on it. You want to feel like you are on a date but not have the pressure of being on a date. That's why you told her again before meeting that you just wanted a friend. It was your safe zone.

How am I doing on all this? Am I warm or full of shlt? Huge props for your meet up outing. And one more thing, these apps these days can be pretty amazing in making someone look pretty amazing. Skills I had to hone in Photoshop and spending hours "airbrushing" photos are now often a filter click away. Not sure if that's cheating in the same sense as putting up 15 year old photos but just know it happens. Never, ever make any decisions (or stop chatting with someone else) until you at least meet in person. Who knows, that other lady may have been a great match.

What I really wonder is how many others doing OLD are just like coconut and nit yet sure of what they want? There is absolutely nothing wrong with being where he us, but it dies make it harder to OLD.