I'm okay with it but I have a lot of mixed feelings. I feel I'm detached enough not to have any expectations but if I found out she was seeing someone I know it would hurt and I don't think things would continue as they have been. I don't know where I stand with her. It could be friend, xh, father figure or maybe it varies. She may not even know. This is weird because those are not roles that I really want, friend is part of what I would like so maybe it's not a terrible place to be. Better than in the a-hole zone for no good reason. Another thing is right not she is not w material right now, not for me anyway. It takes a lot of piatience because she hasn't treated me as a friend and she has not shown me any remorse. Not exactly a great friendship either so that makes it hard but I know we can’t return to being close overnight.
I do have a lot of questions/thoughts about what I'm doing. They say it's a marathon so if she is staying somewhat close maybe that is not so bad. However, I don't want to put things on hold (relationship wise) forever and I would like for my kids to see an example of a happy healthy marriage. I don't want this to be normal even though it is our reality. I realize there will be a point where things have to change but today it works. It could change tomorrow but I'm trying not to think too far ahead. IDK what a potential lady would say about xw staying in my house all the time when I'm out of town and hanging out for hours lol.
I'm still paying her car insurance. IDK what I'm doing in that regard. I see her struggling and it's something I've just been taking care of for now. In a way I think of it as helping taking care of the kids because if she were paying it, it would leave her less.
