Intimacy avoiders choose people to avoid intimacy with. I love emotions and feelings. I'm a big feeler and empath actually, but that doesn't mean I know how to be intimate.
Intimacy requires being able to stand naked in front of your SO, being totally naked, exposed and vulnerable and realising you will still be loved and accepted regardless of what the see, hear and feel and know about you. I found through therapy that I have a pattern of sabotaging intimacy to ensure that I don't get my needs met, so that I am not seen. Likely because I don't think I am worthy of having my needs met, worthy of a love and being visible to my other.
I guess what I am saying I am not surprised to here that you think your XW was emotionally unavailable. We choose each other for a reason. Ideally marriage and the person we choose, should (terrible word) assist us in healing this fear of true emotional connection and vulnerability. Our mirror people offer us the opportunity to heal those aspects of ourselves with think unlovable and unworthy. We seldom do it well due to our own needs and broken bits.
I have found a person who walks this scary path with me. It can be done, but requires a lot of self awareness and catching yourself in the moment when an opportunity for true loving connection raises its gorgeous head. I hope you get to experience it.
Now that I think about it this forum and the friends I made here allowed me to practice being vulnerable and exposed. It has helped me no end in moving into a lovely intimate relationship.
Be Brave Holding, become the partner you most want to attract. If that of course is something you want.
