One thing I've learnt Holding, is that when a S has an affair, they have been the one controlling their partner's reality.
An A can only start/continue/flourish by being hidden from the S.
I guess they get used to having that control and expect it, and think that it's going to continue like that as well.
And if they find that it doesn't continue (for whatever reason), they then get angry because they're not getting what they want from you, and up the stakes, or raise the temperature of the interaction in order to get some sort of reaction from you.
You probably know all of this already. It definitely helps me a lot when I'm coming across this sort of behaviour. It helps me detach from it and not feel as personally involved in it and persecuted by it.
