A lot of what I write feels like I'm just complaining but I'm really struggling to accept this is my new life. How can everything just be gone? If I'd be fortunate enough to build a new life with a new husband who can fill in the gaps for my daughter and restore stability in our lives I see that as much better than struggling as a single mom.
Oh Nicole. I've been at this for 10 year and I want to share some of what I have learned with you.
You do not need another man to restore stability in your lives. It seems like a huge undertaking, I am sure, but you can actually solely provide that stability for your daughter and yourself. I did. I am 10 years in and not remarried. I have been the one to provide stability and comfort for my daughter. I sure do long for a partner for MY needs as a woman, yes, but my daughter actually doesn't need me to have a partner. I have dated, she has really liked those 2 guys she has met and the time she has spent with them, but she doesn't need it for happiness. I have actually need able to provide it to her.
And the sterotype of a "struggling single mom" well, that's one I reject. We all struggle, single, mom, dad, married, it doesn't matter. We all face our struggles. Life does NOT have to be a struggle because we are a single parent. Maybe a little more difficult, but not always a struggle. Just like any other parent.
I do not believe you have to make someone else happy. You have to be able to make it on your own to make yourself happy. We are actually responsible for our own happiness and that is not a cultural thing, that is a human thing. And I say this as a human who is struggling right now with her singlehood. But at the end of the day, it's me who makes the best life for myself and someone else is a great, great addition. An addition I miss in my life.
FYI, my daughter is a 10 year old pre-teen, excited to attend school, an honor role student, with friends, who enjoys different activities, is in an afterschool community service program, and has many people who love her and she loves many people. I do not see our divorce preventing her from becoming anyone she wants to be as long as she embraces her "different" life and knows it is what she makes of it, rather than being defined by her circumstances. She wants to be a teacher or a physical therapist. She prefers a career before she finds a husband and hopes to have 2 kids one day. Her dreams and hopes are similar to those of a child in an intact family. ANd there is no reason why she is at a disadvantage at achieving her dreams.
You will be the one your daughter looks to for strength and guidance and to see that nothing should stand in the way of her goals.
