Hi Coconut, there must be a way to make it work because there must be other single parents who have to work full-time, right? But the longest the schools in my new area are open is 8:00 AM - 5:00 PM and the commute each way is likely to be longer than 30 minutes, so that doesn't allow enough time. I could try to hire a babysitter to do the pick-up but then I wouldn't see my daughter at all for five days a week except just to put her to bed at night and feed her breakfast in the morning. It seems I have to find less than full-time to make it work until I can figure out a better way.
I generally don't have any problems getting out or socializing (except currently we're not going to the children's museum and those kinds of places to avoid the flu) but now that I'll be single it'll be nice to meet single parents. The hardest part is feeling like I'm the only one who is unmarried because everyone who's close to me in my life is married, most happily. The few who aren't happily married still have stable lives. I'm glad most people in my life are successful and happy because those are the kind of people I want my daughter to know. I want her to have as many role models as possible to and see what happy families look like. It would help me personally though to know some single parents who aren't teenage moms. My friends just can't relate because they haven't been through something like this before. I'll definitely look for the local single parents group when I move.
No matter what I won't be able to restore what I've lost any time soon and this is the hardest part to accept. Not just the loss of my husband but the financial losses, the loss of stability, the loss of my husband's family, the loss of my health, the setbacks in my career.... It's hard to let go of this resentment. It's hard to believe that we build so much together when we marry someone and then it can all be gone when they decide to walk away. I've been through other challenges in life and was hoping for a period of stability but that won't happen and suddenly 40 years have passed by in my life and it seems a combination of bad luck and risky decisions, like marrying a man from the Middle East, led me to this point. I just hope I'll find a way to give my daughter a life that will still allow her to have a full range of opportunities in her future. I hope that coming from a broken home without siblings or extended family and a mom who won't always be present due to having to work won't prevent her from being able to find her own good husband and career, but I know it'll be much harder for her. It seems I have to find a way to avoid working full-time until I know that she's ok, and even then I won't be able to have a full career like before.
A lot of what I write feels like I'm just complaining but I'm really struggling to accept this is my new life. How can everything just be gone? If I'd be fortunate enough to build a new life with a new husband who can fill in the gaps for my daughter and restore stability in our lives I see that as much better than struggling as a single mom. I guess that's what I hope for. There are probably many here who will disagree and say you have to be happy alone before you can be happy with someone else but I don't agree. In my experience, especially in villages in developing countries, the happiest people are those who live in close-knit communities with strong families that support each other. This notion that we have to make it alone, and be happy alone, and be alone before we can make someone else happy is something I reject. I married into a different culture because there were things about that culture I felt were better than our culture. Some are worse too, but I wanted to be part of a culture that's less individualistic and more focused on family. Too bad I married into that culture for those reasons and got left behind! My husband came here and became American and is now embracing his freedom whereas I'm back to square one.
Anyway my impression is that most people probably move on with greater ease or faster than I am. I do hope to report back here someday with something positive that I've learned or done to get through this. I hope this resentment won't last forever. More than anything I miss I my husband but hope to find a new husband someday who may not be perfect but at least won't walk away.
