Jim, yes I know most don't have a perfect life, but at the beach yesterday and many places I go, even Target, I see happy couples holding hands and looking so relaxed and talking to each other like best friends. That's how it was with my husband the first few years and I was so happy. I really loved my husband with all my heart. So to see all those couples knowing they're feeling such happiness is hard because this is the worst I've ever felt in my life and it's hard to see those things everywhere. As if Christmas wasn't bad enough now Valentine's day is coming. It just never ends.
I don't know if I was more positive but finding out about my husband's 26 year old girlfriend and their luxury trip to Dubai changed a lot of things for me. Now I know there's a pattern to my husband's behavior...when he's angry at me, stops spending time with our daughter, disappears, etc., it means he's found someone else. I will feel better if, or when, he gets out of this stage and can at least talk normally again without acting so hostile. Those 30 seconds last night were so nice. It was like he died and came back from the dead just for those few seconds. I already feel horrible again thinking about the divorce and how I'm going to survive. I'm looking forward to moving in April but I started to fear how I'll be able to work full-time. I don't think I can because the commute time and eight hours per day of working is greater than the number of hours the preschools / daycares stay open. I guess in most cases the parents trade off with drop off's and pick-up's but I won't have any help. So I'm not sure what I'll do. I'll have to hope for a miracle that someone will let me work seven hours per day or that I can find a flexible consulting job.
I know how difficult it could be trying to make it work with a kid and no family to help. I was in the same position. But I will tell you it can be done. I don't recall he age of your daughter, but it is extremely doable. ANd you ex will be responsible for a percentage which will be pretty high given his salary. I am a nurse (I know, not your top profession now) and I began working shift work, and I had to get out of that because it wasn't working between ex and I and unfortunately had to flop around on different positions and commutes to make it work.
Anyways, I understand how scary all of this is. I was 27, and a new mom with an infant when this happened to me. And my ex an I were out of the same house the night he dropped the bomb. I get this sense from your postings that you don't have enough confidence in yourself to make this work and you NEED your H. It's scary as heck, but I imagine you are quite a capable woman if you believe in yourself.
You need to power empower yourself a little, ya know?
