Jim, yes I know most don't have a perfect life, but at the beach yesterday and many places I go, even Target, I see happy couples holding hands and looking so relaxed and talking to each other like best friends. That's how it was with my husband the first few years and I was so happy. I really loved my husband with all my heart. So to see all those couples knowing they're feeling such happiness is hard because this is the worst I've ever felt in my life and it's hard to see those things everywhere. As if Christmas wasn't bad enough now Valentine's day is coming. It just never ends.
I don't know if I was more positive but finding out about my husband's 26 year old girlfriend and their luxury trip to Dubai changed a lot of things for me. Now I know there's a pattern to my husband's behavior...when he's angry at me, stops spending time with our daughter, disappears, etc., it means he's found someone else. I will feel better if, or when, he gets out of this stage and can at least talk normally again without acting so hostile. Those 30 seconds last night were so nice. It was like he died and came back from the dead just for those few seconds. I already feel horrible again thinking about the divorce and how I'm going to survive. I'm looking forward to moving in April but I started to fear how I'll be able to work full-time. I don't think I can because the commute time and eight hours per day of working is greater than the number of hours the preschools / daycares stay open. I guess in most cases the parents trade off with drop off's and pick-up's but I won't have any help. So I'm not sure what I'll do. I'll have to hope for a miracle that someone will let me work seven hours per day or that I can find a flexible consulting job.
