Picking up Her MESS #2

[marina7]

Journaling,
This weekend had a great weekend with my Trio's btw I have always called them this since adopting all three, D9 seem like herself with S9 as they call themselves the twins, they where unseparable in d9 room catching up laughing and also crying I try my best to not get them involved on what's going on with me and W and court things. D9 tells s9 I miss you so much I miss my other half s9 says me too d9 crying uncontrollably I hate this why did W break us up s9 says let mom's handle this,s9 says am coming home soon d9 just crying I pretend I wasn't listening I said what's going on munchkins they said nothing I said you sure s9 says yeah mom we just talking we got this you worry to much about us are you ok mom as tears running down my eyes I said of course buddy just love seeing us together. S8 is in lala land he all about cartoons sometimes he has his moments. Had my friend over she is amazing to kids through all this and been there with my breakdowns when I can't get myself out of bed she pulls through and takes me out my funk I call it. We played games we laughed and cried and cook together on Sunday big Superbowl day, am from North Philly so cheering for Eagles S9 Eagles fan and d9 and s8 and friend Patriots fan we where making bets and joking and cooking great food for Superbowl, and music blasting and dancing, of course time flies to take s9 back, I say hey buddy gotta get ready s9 says do I really gotta go, d9 jumps in wagon why does he gotta go Why and storms off. S9 saying let me call mom, I had a breakdown my friends all said all this is almost over you must be strong. I wanted to call W so bad to say can s9 stay till game is over but I know there is no negotiation with W, W is in a place where she thinks she is the law and somewhere in her mind seperating sibilings was the best thing for her. Smdh... I explained to s9 buddy I wish you can but let's just get going, I promise to record it and not watch till next weekend when you here. S9 hugs me and says ok mom, I love you thanks for being the best mom we can ask for. So we drop s9, d9 and s8 in car, I get out with s9 and W of course can't even stare at me head down. Only waives to d9 and s8 I of course ask W would you like to say Hi to them W respond was if you let me or allow me to. I was blown from her response like really I never kept kids away I open door thinking W will go and say hi W stood there in cold snowing weather, I had to tell kids come out and say hi to your mom, W didn't even hug them a real hug it was more like a pat in the back. I tell myself WOW why do I even try. As soon we pull off to go home d9 is yelling and crying Why do you force her on us. I said I don't, my friend who was driving said is not my but your mom here is trying but I understand your frustration, d9 goes into why do you, she should open door and hug us and give us a kiss, she didn't even hug us it was a fake hug. I of course tried to console d9 saying I understand your frustration but one of us have to be the better person and lead by example for you three, s8 says you are the best mom we know you trying mom but W doesn't want us. D9 says exactly she hate us. I said hate is a big word I think W loves you three W is just having a hard time. D9 says never mind you always defending her. So we talk more I explained my best to them if I acted like W as a child and mean how would they feel, I explained again that am trying to lead by example and I hope when they one day get married that they won't go through this but if they do, they will know how to be the better person and parent always.

I know many will say I can't force W to do anything and I know that but I pray I at least could guide her to see again and that's her kids in front of her.
My friend stood with us and we talk she sees both sides of me being trying to do my best and d9 side friend recommended that I should back off with pushing kids on W, she says W is the adult here if those where my kids first thing I would have not abandon my family 2nd I would be the parent making sure they are ok with everything 3rd I will be making sure I call everyday and hug them every chance I get, the list goes on I see her point. I guess is hard for me to believe how can a parent just hate there kids so much especially at there age. Personally I don't get it I wish W will see this. And as I said W thinks she is the law in less than 2 weeks we start trial, my lawyer honestly thought we wouldn't go to trial but W thinks the judge is going to agree with her and say you did the right thing tearing sibilings apart or literally W says I took s9 because he is my blood from my FAMILY btw this is what W has told everyone s9 is her blood the only reason W,took him WOW.. I ask myself what does blood have to do with he our son who we adopted all together. Well let's see what happens.

I guess I'll keep fighting my way out this tunnel.

A day at a time