And still struggling

[Jim1234]

Our kids had their Winter Ball last night. I asked if I could come over W's house to take some pictures before they left. She let me know what time would be good, and I showed up on time.

They were all running late, so W and I had a few minutes to talk, and she asked if I had thought more about her request that I continue to pay child support while S17 is in college. I told her that I had really put some thought into it, and there was no way I could pay my portion of college AND continue to pay S17s portion of child support.

Of course, she exploded. I don't need to get into the details, but she said things like, "You should work more," and "Well, how am I supposed to pay for my share of college if your child support ends?" I just sat on the floor, calmly petting the dog while she went on, thinking to myself things like "maybe you should have thought about these things before you left". Finally she got herself so upset she turned and started leaving. I asked if I got to respond, and she said "no" and continued walking. I probably shouldn't have said this, but I said "so it's just like it used to be." (It's not entirely fair on my part, but often she would blow up at me, and then leave to go back to the garage, or back room, and smoke, without listening to my side.)

The thing is, there was plenty of money to send the kids to college. But unlike most married couples, we didn't have a lot of everyday conversations to discuss things like this (for those who haven't read much of my situation, she would go to the garage, and eventually the back room which she set up as a miniature smoking lounge, and smoke, for, like, 15 hours a day. She started sleeping in the back room, and would spend literally 22 hours a day back there.). She thought the money we had saved in one account was for retirement. But I have plenty of money in my 401(k) for retirement, and was planning on using the account for college. But that was the money she used to buy her house, so it's gone now.

It's funny, but I didn't really even care when she walked out of the room. I knew it doesn't matter what I would have said, no matter how logical, rational.... She wouldn't have really been able to accept it anyway because it wouldn't fit in with her vision of me as the bad guy.

She's probably going to take me back to a support conference to get more alimony and child support. She said she is, anyway. She has said she was waiting for my reply on the college/child support to get together with her lawyer and send a settlement proposal, so maybe this will move the divorce along.

One last thought... her house looks like crap. Dead Christmas tree still up, Christmas decorations still out, stuff just strewn all over the place, sink full of dirty dishes, nothing put away....