Wife wont admit to affair, its driving me nuts! 2

[Morbo]

THIS

1 My W is able to stay in control of her drinking or stop.
2 I am not constantly feeling incapable of escaping my mistakes (no matter how small) - this is a killer in any relationship, constantly digging up old bones etc - this is clear abuse BTW.
3 My W is getting the support she needs.
4 My W is faithful.
5 My W chooses me over others.

This is not unreasonable to say. Would you chose a partner for your kids that has a drink problem and is abusive and has some 'issues' and is unfaithful and chooses others over them. No of course not, it would be ridiculous to choose this partnership.

You nailed it Surfer dude, ha!

Vanilla said

How are you doing Morbo?

V

Thank you for asking, I appreciate it.

Not been on here much except to read over some resources.
I would like to give more advice to newbies but I dont feel I have
the skills, insight and distance from my marriage to do that quite yet. I still am up and down a lot emotionally.

A lot of anger came back this week.
W is so clever she almost had me put her back on the family whatsapp. My clever sisters said they were having none of it, smart girls!
She had me doubting myself again, still vehemently denies ANY affair(which I know is BS). It just gets tiring. I know she was up with him again last week. Its just laughable now. I even really laid it on the line a few weeks back that we should try to start again but she truly does not give a f**k. I know, I know , I look weak.

With distance I really started thinking about what she's done.
One example which really got to me.
The time last year dec 2016 when she was supposed to be in work but went secretly away for a day with her boss, long drive, winery and food, his house for a few hours AND was late home.
Dont know why but finally the gravity and TRUTH of this hit home this week.
She actually had me believing that it was all innocent, just friends, LMAO. She is a master manipulator, its so easy for her to
make me doubt myself, make me think I'm the bad guy. Even ever after I found all the things about her at Xmas, I STILL doubted myself.
I'm an idiot but truth is finally getting through with distance and reflection.


Family are still over here. W is realizing what she's lost finally.
My dad actually cant look at her, she disgusts him. My mom hasnt much good to say either although W and her had a good talk on the porch last week. It made my W happy, I think she wants to justify everything but my mom does not trust her. I also found out that my mother went to W's work in 2011(she'd forgotten something)
and W was very clingy, touch feely with first EA dirtbag. W was pretty shocked and embarrassed.

So, keeping NC, angry and just disgusted by W and her constant lies
and manipulation. I feel sadness now for the death of what I thought was an amazing marriage/friendship.
Trying to GAL a lot and busy with work and kids anyway.

One other thing, would like advice.
I've had interest from another woman, just hanging out, going for coffee or gigs occasionally.
Really nice person and I think would like to go out and talk to someone interesting.
She seems cool with casual dating and I'll be totally honest, thats
where I'm at too.
I miss female companionship. I like hanging out with women and unlike my W, I have never been inappropriate with other women,
emotionally or otherwise.
Thoughts?