I hate to be the first one to say this but it sounds like there is a very strong possibility your w is having an affair. Going out all the time without you is the first clue. Her wayward, me-first attitude and change of personality is the second. Wanting to see the kids at your place is the third (easier to have a private place for hookups without H coming to drop off kids or kids finding evidence of OM).
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
sorry for the lack of updates...i'm just so stressed at the moment, i barely eat, barely sleep, im just exhausted mentally and physically.
As i stated in my 1st post W was supposed to move out Friday, i get a text from her at work saying the house is not ready and that she won't be moving until the end of Feb.
After work she calls me and tells me she can't find her house keys and was asking when i would be home. I told her i was getting a haircut with our S and she said "OK i'm going to my mom's, call me when you're on your way home."
I leave the barbershop and text her letting her know that we are on our way home...she never responds to the text, or my phone calls...long story short, she doesn't even come home last night. She pulls into the driveway around 8:30 am and begins to call and text me to open the door.
I answer the phone and she tells me her phone died last night (WTF does that have to do with coming home???) I tell her i'm not opening the door because at this point i'm livid, i am so tired of being disrespected and walked over. She sits in the driveway for about 2 hours then i eventually open the door for her.
She hasn't said anything to me since getting back into the house other than "i'm done" oh and she magically found her missing house keys. At this point idk if i can go a few more weeks of this.She has stated several times that she feels she can do whatever she wants...and that's exactly what she is doing.
She comes and goes as she pleases and it's killing me. I still love her so when she leaves without saying anything i get worried and anxious and can't sleep.Last night i was up for hours snooping her facebook, which she just blocked me on. I was going to ask her to just leave ASAP, stay with family until your house is ready because this is not healthy for me. Am i wrong in asking her that?
Swagger, I'm so, so sorry to hear of these latest developments. It would probably be doable if you don't love her and don't care, but to be hurt like that, and to go through such drama when she doesn't come home, sound excruciating. To some degree I've been through that with my husband when he had his first affair. If it's any consolation, when the affair ended he was sorry and returned back to normal again (for a while). Can you do anything to find out what she's really up to? Can you drive past her mom's house at night and see if she's actually there when she says she is? Do you know anyone who might know her side of the story? Otherwise it seems you could try to leave for the next few weeks or just practice DB techniques to the utmost in hopes that things change in that time.
Swagger, I just got caught up on your sitch. Sorry you're going through this.
I agree with Gordie that an A is very likely given your W's behavior. Sorry, man.
She is lying, blocking you from Facebook, not coming home. Whoever she used to be, she's decided to stop being that person. I know how horrible it feels to be in your shoes.
Originally Posted By: swagger
I was going to ask her to just leave ASAP, stay with family until your house is ready because this is not healthy for me. Am i wrong in asking her that?
I think you should ABSOLUTELY do this. It may end up saving your M, it may not, but it's certainly the best thing for your mental health. Take it from me, you do not want her around a second longer than necessary. After BD but before my XW filed, she told me "if you asked me to decide now, I would leave". I can't tell you how bad I wish I'd gotten up and packed a bag for her right that minute.
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
I think you should ABSOLUTELY do this. It may end up saving your M, it may not, but it's certainly the best thing for your mental health. Take it from me, you do not want her around a second longer than necessary.
I’m getting to the point where I’m afraid I might say or do something I will regret.I can’t take another day of this.
Just found out my W has been texting/talking to some guy. She said she met him while out and about. Said it was strictly a freindship and that they haven’t done anything...So that confirms EA. I wouldn’t put it past her that it’s been physical as well.
The best thing you can do right now is in every interaction come from a place of strength and confidence. Let her know that you will not be in an open marriage ask her to leave and offer to help her pack her $hit.
Totally agree with LH19 -- everything from this point forward must be stoic confidence. No blaming, no shaming, no begging, pleading, bargaining, etc. Just stick to logistics and get her out of the house.
Acc
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
I know that I’ve been saying I want my wife gone ASAP....today it finally hit me, she signed her lease yesterday, told me about today via text. I’ve always felt that maybe she had cold feet or was undecided due to her constantly changing her move out date.
I guess my blow up Saturday night over her text and calling this other guy really pushed her to make her move. On one hand I feel like finally me and my D12 will finally get some peace from her negativity and nasty attitude...but my heart is broken for my S5. He adores his mother and throughout these last months she has continued to shower him with affection.
He really doesn’t understand what’s going on but the night my W didn’t come home, all he was asking about is “where’s mommy” how do I deal with this on a night to night basis?
Swagger, I know it's a big step for her to move out. It was depressing for me when my XW moved out (even though I wanted her to at that point).
I think this will be good for you. Don't feel responsible for S5. Your W is the one who is making this happen. Give S5 as much love as you can. Have you and your W discussed telling the kids?
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
