Picking up Her MESS #2

[marina7]

Journaling,
I pick up S9 today, I hate this I ask myself what is this or I ask myself over and over how did I get here what happen to what we once had. Over night literally gone W just gone. I see FB last year post memories and this day W and I went on a date, and there's video of W and kids dancing and laughing. What happen to her.

Today for the first time I paused and look at W I honestly haven't been able to look at her it hurts to much, but today I seen a person that I know is drinking heavy and dark around her eyes which means she is not sleeping well. I know am not 10yrs with my W we never slept apart we always needed each other to sleep. God I miss her so much, people say with time you heal am going on 10months and pain feels worse. I again know there's to much damage for us to even fix to much hurt to much pain. But God knows I want W to find her PEACE. There's this song that I dedicated to W "Praying" by kesha when I need a good cry I just listen to it. Only she knows how much I will always LOVE her but like they say when you LOVE something so much you have to let it go if they want to go. I let her go because W told me if you LOVE me you will let me go and if meant to be I'll come back. But through all this to much damage done.

Taking it a day at a time